'The Big Bounce' falls flat

The Big Bounce (2003)
Starring: Owen Wilson, Morgan Freeman, and Sara Foster
Director: George Armitage
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

When small-time thief and grifter Jack Ryan (Wilson) is given a handyman job and an opportunity to go straight by an eccentric Hawaiian judge (Freeman), the path to the straight-and-narrow is obstructed by a willowy sexpot (Foster) who has a full-proof plan to rob the local crime boss. As might be expected, there's no such thing as a perfect plan... at least not when everyone in the picture is a thief and con-artist.


"The Big Bounce" is a run-of-the-mill caper comedy that might have been something special if the twists and turns of the plot hadn't either been so trite that they weren't twists but instead completely predictable, or so badly set up that the viewer is more irritated than surprised when they happen. The film isn't helped by the collection of two-dimensional stock characters that populate it, nor the too slow pace, or the fact that the comedic elements are so worn they're threadbare.

The actors all put on as good performances as can be expected--and watching Foster prance back and forth across the screen in next to nothing is certainly enjoyable--but the awfulness of the script couldn't be overcome.

'The Hollywood Sign' needed to be repaired

The Hollywood Sign (2001)
Starring: Tom Berenger, Burt Reynolds, Rod Steiger, and Jacqueline Kim
Director: Sonke Wortmann
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Three down-and-out former Hollywood leading men (Berenger, Reynolds, and Steiger) stumble into the middle of a Las Vegas casino robbery that's in the planning stages. They decide that if they can't make a comeback in movies, they'll retire on ill-gotten loot, and they force their way into the robbery scheme. Can three well-cured hams outwit hardened criminals and live to tell the tale?


"The Hollywood Sign" features top-notch talent all giving fine performances--with Reynolds in particular putting on a good show--but there are some severe problems with the script that makes this movie go south in the final act. I can't really say what those problems are without spoiling a shocking moment in the film. I'm also not certain if others will have the same reaction to the twist-ending to this film that I has; I rolled my eyes and had to struggle to not reach for the DVD remote, as it coincidentally was the second film I've watched this month that featured such a twist. Admittedly, "The Hollywood Sign" was superior in every conceivable way to that other film--which was so wretched I probably won't even bother posting about it--but I still think the ending was lame. (I can see how the writers might think it was clever, though. It solves a story problem that was brought up at the very beginning of the film and that was echoed a couple times during it.)

This film is worth seeing if you enjoy Reynolds or Steiger as actors, or if you love movies featuring Hollywood insider plot elements. Otherwise, this is a film to pass on.

Idiots make poor (if realistic) criminals

Welcome to Collinwood (2002)
Starring: Isaiah Washington, William H. Macy, and Sam Rockwell
Directors: Anthony and Joe Russo
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Four down-and-out small-time thieves and hoods get their hands on a fool-proof heist plan. It's not exactly a "job of the century," but these are yutzes who think small, and who rarely have more than two pennies to run together, so the contents of a pawnbroker's safe is the take of a lifetime to them. Unfortunately, none of this little gang have two braincells to rub together either.


"Welcome to Collinwood" is populated with characters so pathetic that the viewer can't help but feel sorry for them. One also can't help but root for them to succeed in their sad little heist, although it is also certain that they're going to fail, because they're all so damn dumb. But they're not dumb in a screwball comedy kind of way... they're dumb in the way that real-life crooks are dumb. Where the characters of "Welcome to Collinwood" part with their realworld counterparts is that the would-be master-theives are, basically good and kindhearted; some of them are just too lazy for real work, while others are professional small-time crooks who are in dire straights. In the end, they turn out to fundamentally be decent, if thoroughly stupid, people.

I'm not 100% certain what kind of story the filmmakers wanted to tell with this movie, and I'm not sure they were either. If there had been a little more of a point to the film (other than "idiots make lousy criminals" as the film's tagline says), this might have been a Six-Star movie. I did enjoy watching it, I just wished there had been a little more to the film.

'The Prestige' is a tale of trickery and obsession

The Prestige (2006)
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Scarlett Johannson, David Bowie, and Piper Perabo
Director: Christopher Nolan
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

From the time that they first met as young magicians on the rise, Robert Angier (Jackman) and Alfred Borden (Bale) were competitors. However, their friendly competition evolves into a bitter rivalry making them fierce enemies-for-life. When Borden invents what seems to be the ultimate magic trick, Angier embarks on an obsessive quest to find its secret, over the advice of his longtime associate Cutter (Caine). Eventually, he finds his way to Nikola Tesla (Bowie) and discovers the means to best his rival once and for all.


"The Prestige" is a brilliantly constructed movie that manages to tell its story in flashbacks nestled in flashbacks within flashbacks, yet the viewer never loses track of what is going on in the film. It also manages to present a cast of characters that both seem intimately familiar to the viewer as the film progresses, and who turn out to be very different than what we thought when their secrets are revealed, while evoking the sense of the late 19th century music hall circuit and the intense competiton that existed between performers for bookings.

Although the film exists mostly within the realm of the realistic, it is at its best when it introduces the weird science of Nikola Tesla--and the fantastic and twisted applications it is put to in persuit of creating the ultimate illusion. In fact, one of the film's "big reveals" that make up the climax is so twisted, and the nature of Tesla's wonder-tech so strange that I almost put this review in Terror Titans instead of here. Ultimately, though, I think it fits mostly in the mystery movie category, even if it almost defies classification.

'Insomnia' is worth staying awake for

Insomnia (2002)
Starring: Al Pacino, Robin Williams, and Hillary Swank
Director: Chrstopher Nolan
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

In "Insomnia", a big city cop (Pacino) travels to a remote hamlet in Alaska to help solve the brutal rape and murder of a teenaged girl, and to avoid a brewing corruption scandal at home. While his mental state slowly deteriorates due to an inability to sleep in the eternal daylight above the Arctic Circle, he finds himself in a bizarre relationship of mutual blackmailing with the murderer (Williams) while the town's young deputy sheriff (Swank) slowly puts the puzzle together and closes in on both of them.


"Insomnia" is an American remake of a Scandinavian film by the same title, and, unlike the seemingly endless stream of remakes of recent Japanese and Chinese films that are all worse than the originals, this film stands up nicely in comparison. It's a tad too slow--the middle sags almost as bad as the Pacino character on this fourth or fifth day without any real sleep--but the actors are all great in their parts, the script is generally well-crafted, the setting is used to its full potential, and the ending is perfect.

I think people who enjoy thrillers will be happy staying up late to watch "Insomina".

When Spies, Lies, and Morons Collide....

Burn After Reading (2008)
Starring: George Clooney, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton, Richard Jenkins, David Rache, and J.K. Simmons
Directors: Ethan Coen and Joel Coen
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When a pair of dimwitted health club employees (McDormand and Pitt) find what they believe is a disk full of highly classified CIA secrets, their get-rich-quick efforts set in motion a series of events that shows that no one causes chaos like the very stupid.



"Burn After Reading" is a movie about hopes, dreams, lies, deception, and betrayal. It's got all the elements you find in spy movies, but they're found here in a story of cheating spouses--half the characters in the film are breaking their marriage vows spectacularly--a burned-out CIA analyst (played by John Malkovich), and the people at the CIA who are so concerned with secrecy that they can't take the simple step of asking "what the hell are you morons doing?"

The purposefully tangled mess that is the movie's plot gains its comedy from the fact that the smartest people in the world can't figure out what a pair of doofus are up to (nor the real causes for the events they set in motion) and it's a source it taps very well.

Hilarious performances by Brad Pitt as the dumbest health fanatic ever, George Clooney as the horniest government employee ever, and Tilda Swinson as a woman so bitchy no-one even dares to imply she's bitchy stand out in particular in this perfectly cast and skillfully acted and directed film. If you liked movies like "Fargo" and "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang", you'll get a kick out of this one as well. It's not quite as good as either of those two films, but it's still fun.

'Find Me Guilty' is an unusual mob movie

Find Me Guilty (2006)
Starring: Vin Diesel, Peter Dinklage, Ron Silver, and Alex Rocco
Director: Sidney Lumet
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When life-long gangster Jackie Dinorsio (Diesel) is offered a chance to escape a 30-year prison sentence by turning state's evidence against his former Lucchesi Crime Family associates, he refuses to turn on those he considers his friends. Instead, he turns the biggest organized crime trial in American history into a vehicle to express his view of family values within the Family.


I like lawyer/court room movies. I like Vin Diesel, and I really liked him in "The Pacifier". I walked into "Find Me Guilty" really wanting to like the movie alot. Unfortunately, I found it a little lacking.

Some critics have complained that the movie turns morality upside down--the mobsters are basically the good guys here (with one exception--mob boss Nick Calabrese, played by Alex Rocco), while the federal prosecutor is a complete rat bastard--but I really didn't mind this aspect of the film, because the character of Jackie Dinorsio is the point of view from which the story is told, and he is truly convinced that all his criminal associates truly are "good fellas." The weakest point in the movie to my mind was the lead prosecutor was portrayed as so over-the-top that he brought down the rest of the movie. (Why did he have prison guards harass and beat up Dinorsio on the night before the Big Final Trial Witness was to appear in court?) Every other lawyer portrayed seemed believable, but the prosecutor did not. (Being that "Find Me Guilty" is based on the real-life 21-month RICO trial of a dozen or so New Jersey mobsters, perhaps the real-life prosecutor really was such a over-dramatic jerk... but he should have been toned down, because he was out of step with the rest of the performances in the film.)

"Find Me Guilty" is definitely Vin Diesel's show, and he manages to truly get the audience to feel sympathy for the wise-cracking Dinorsio, who, in the face of all the facts around him, continue to cling to his notion that there truly is love and respect shared between mobsters. To the very end, Dinorsio hangs onto this idea and continues to espouse it as he mounts a defense of himself and his buddies as his own attorney. In fact, the only friends that Dinorsio seems to have is the lead mob attorney (expertly played by Peter Dinklage) and the presiding judge (Ron Silver) who seems to develop some affection for Dinorsio as the trail unfolds; but Dinorsio never notices. If he does, he doesn't let it show.

There are plenty of chuckles in "Find Me Guilty", but I would have liked for more belly-laughs in the film. I recommend it if you enjoy mob movies or court-room dramas. I don't think it's a great movie, but I think my time watching it was well-spent.

Most straight-forward action film ever?

Shoot 'Em Up (2007)
Starring: Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti and Monica Bellucci
Director: Mike Davis
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

A mysterious drifter known as Mr. Smith (Owen) inadvertently ends up the protector of a newborn baby who is being hunted by a hoard of violent gunmen, led by a former FBI profiler named Hertz (Giamatti). It's a good thing that Our Hero is a one-man army will skills that James Bond and Jason Bourne would envy, and an imperviousness that only Bugs Bunny can match.


"Shoot 'Em Up" is perhaps one of the most honestly titled and promoted films of all time. It truly is about shooting holes in people, cars, planes... just about anything that appears on screen. It can only be summarized as Frank Miller's "Sin City" graphic novels meet John Woo's "Hardboiled" and collides with Marvel Comics' "The Punisher" as he was portrayed in the mid- to late-1990s.

It is perhaps one of the wildest action movies ever put on screen, and, with the exception of one romantic interlude and sex scene (that itself leads into one of the most outrageous action scenes I've ever seen) the action doesn't stop once it gets going some five seconds into the film. And as the movie spirals further and further into outrageousness, action movie fans will and cheer and not give one whit that the plot linking the cartoony, gory violent set-pieces makes increasingly less sense.

"Shoot 'Em Up" succeeeds due to its great cast, but even more because of its precisely choreographed gunfights that get evermore rediculous--culimating with a shootout that takes place while characters are skydiving. The film is also fun, because it acknowledge its silliness--most evidently when the carrot-chomping hero asks the villian, "What's up, Doc?"--while every actor in the film plays their role with utmost seriousness. (Owen and Giamatti are especially fun, as a pair of characters who emerge as a sort of live-action Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd.)

Another reason the film succeeds are some very odd touches and elements that appear as the film unfolds. Without spoiling too many surprises, I can mention that the first of these is the gunfight that Mr. Smith has with a gang of assassins while helping a woman give birth--as he is snuffing out lives left and right, he is bringing a new one into the world. There's also a recurring theme of gun control and gun safety that keeps cropping up. And there are also some very odd quirks on the part of both Mr. Smith and his foe Mr. Hertz that essentially end up defining them.

If you have a sense of humor, and you like your action movies light on plot and characterizations but heavy with action and heroic good guys and utterly dispicable bad guys, you absolutely must see "Shoot 'Em Up".

'Charlie's Death Wish' is low-budget fun

Charlie's Death Wish (2005)
Starring: Phoebe Dollar, Ron Jeremy Hyatt, John Fava, and Marc Knudson
Director: Jeff Leroy
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

After her sister is murdered in prison, young Charlie Durham (Dollar) goes on a killing spree to avenge her, violently dispatching anyone connected to her death. Meanwhile, the police detective assigned to stop and catch her (Hyatt) finds himself in the awkward postion of admiring her handiwork, because she is mostly dispatching people he hates.


"Charlie's Death Wish" is a tongue-in-cheek, low-budget action/comedy that moves along at a pace so brisk that the generally weak acting, poor dialogue, and unfocused script almost become non-issues. For a violent, gory low-budgeter, this is a surprisingly well-done film.

But, it's not exactly good. With the exception of Ron Jeremy Hyatt and John Fava (who play a pair of police detectives on the trail of our vigilante heroine, the acting here is pretty amateurish--and this even includes the star, Phoebe Dollar. Dollar isn't exactly bad, but she doesn't have the skill to carry off scenes where she has to show emotion, such as the one where she is confronted by an obnoxious documentarian (a character who is a cross between Michael Moore and a freak who was once a mainstay of public access TV here in northwestern Washington named Richard Lee, played by Marc Knudson). Dollar can strut about and look sexy or tough. She can also manage menacing. But she can't handle angry, or even sad. At least not yet.

Watching Dollar in this film, there are glimmers of what she could become, acting-wise, if she sticks with it, and I'm sure she does just fine in smaller roles. (Her performance almost feels as if she's a stage actor in front of the camera for the first time--something I know isn't the case

Another problem with the film is the scattered focus of the script. It tries to tackle too many things--being an action film with comedic elements AND attempting to make fun of conspiracy theorist filmmakers AND making fun of the gun-loving subculture in the United States AND making fun of dopeheads and druglords. All of these elements COULD perhaps have been tackled comfortably if the script had gone through a couple more drafts, but as it exists, they are presented in a loosely connected jumble. The antics of the documentarian are particularly annoying, because for most of the film they are unconnected detours from Charlie's murderous rampage.

I've been harping on the film's weak points, but I want to stress that this is actually not a bad little movie. It was clearly made by a crew that understand the limitations of making a movie on a very tight budget, and they understand how to get the most for their special effect dollars and how to use lighting and editing to stretch those even further. What's more, the filmmakers don't waste any time, nor do they pad out the film with overlong establishing shots and other filler material; everything on the screen is there for a reason.

I was also impressed with the model effects in the film. There are two model/blue-screen sequences of the kind that I didn't think were still being used, and I suspect at least 1/4 of the film's budget was consumed by them. First, there is a street scene and exploding building that is incredibly well-done (the flying body and the accompanying scream is guarenteed to make you laugh). Then there's the fiery destruction of the Hollywood sign, another very well-done model effect. These are both very fun moments in the film, and they're also excellently done from a technical standpoint.

"Charlie's Death Wish" may not be on the level of even Jean-Claude Van Damme's latest, but it's worth checking out. (If noting else, it's guarenteed to be funnier than Seagal's latest.)

'The Kingdom' is more evenhanded than usual Hollywood fare

The Kingdom (2007)
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Ashraf Barhom, Chris Cooper, Jason Bateman, Jennifer Garner, and Ali Suliman
Director: Peter Berg
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

Four FBI agents (Foxx, Cooper, Bateman, and Garner) travel to Saudi Arabia where they team with two Saudi police officers (Barhom and Suliman) to stop a deadly terrorist and his followers.


The Hollywood establishment seems obsessed with justifying or even excusing terrorists, and I expected this film to be a reflection of that. So, I went in expecting to hate it. However, I was pleasantly surprised. This movie shows terrorists exactly for the evil, psychopathic cowardly scum that that they are. It has none of the "one man's terrorist is another man's hero" crap that so many American "intellectuals" are so fond peddling.

The film also shows that the 75 years of Saudi Arabian and American governments have allowed the conditions that gave rise to the likes of the movie's "Abu Hamza" and the real-world Osama bin Ladens through their inaction and unwillingness to behave in anything but fashions that are self-serving and self-aggrandizing. In fact, the film has the rather accurate message that the American and Saudi governments are their own worst enemies--the American government being fawning toadies to the Saudis, and the Saudi government behaving like barbaric bullies.

My very favorite aspect of the film was the way the FBI agents and the Saudi state police officers ended up working together once politics and distrust was set aside, showing that good cop are good cop, no matter where in the world they are.

Almost every aspect of the film was very enjoyable, playing like a cross between "CSI: Riyadh" and an action flick, except for the very last minute or so, where we had to have some of the standard issue Hollywood moral equivalency dished out. Fortunately, the dose was not big enough to ruin the film, and it was so ludicrous that no intelligent person could do anything but snicker at it.

'Taken' is the perfect Magic Daddy fantasy

Taken (2009)
Starring: Liam Neeson, Maggie Grace, Famke Janssen and Arben Bajraktaraj
Director: Pierre Morel
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When his teenaged daughter (Grace) is kidnapped by a white slavery and prostitution ring, a retired CIA wetworks specialist (Neeson) puts all his skills to use to get her back... and to kill those who harmed her.


"Taken" is the feel-good fantasy movie of 2009. It's a movie about a father who is trying to make up for lost time with his nearly-grown daughter--and who manages to not only save her life but to make her fondest dreams come true through a series of coincidences established in the film's first act and resolved in the denouement--but it's also a movie where one man brings down a vicious crime syndicate and exposes police corruption at the very highest levels. I've also rarely seen a film with so many people so richly and obviously deserving of death as the ones dispatched by the hero in this film.

With well-drawn and believable characters and a script that is fast-paced and finely tuned, "Taken" is a must-see for lovers of action films--and for anyone who wants to see some truly scummy bad guys get dispatched by a James Bond-like character who is fighting to save someone he truly loves. Neeson is fantastic in the part of a man who isn't especially violent, but who has no problem with killing bad guys when it comes to it. (There is a particularly neat scene that demonstrates exactly how Neeson's character respects life and tries to protect the innocents: He is in the middle of dispatching the first rung of the white slavery operation, but he takes steps to avoid harming some construction workers who may or may not be innocent bystanders.)

As I post this review, "Taken" is airing on HBO in relatively heavy rotation. If you are a subscriber, check the listings and check out this movie.

(A word of caution for parents: I was surprised to note that the film is only rated PG-13. With the level of violence, drug use, and general plot of the film, I would have assume it was R. You should definitely watch the film before you let your kids at it and decide if you think it's appropriate for them. The MPAA is erratic as ever....)

'Keeping Mum' is quirky comedy about murder and family values

Keeping Mum (2006)
Starring: Kristen Scott Thomas, Maggie Smith, Rowan Atkinson, Patrick Swayze and Tamsin Egerson
Director:Niall Johnson
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

The new house keeper (Smith) for a distracted country vicar (Atkinson) who is distracted to notice his marriage is failing, starts turning the household around like a real-life Mary Poppins. Unfortunately, she's a homicidal maniac... and that isn't the least of her secrets.


"Keeping Mum" is a dark comedy that's on the predictable side, but it elevated by excellent performances from its stars, most importantly by Rowan Atkinson, who is very different here than other roles you've likely seen him in. Maggie Smith also gives a performance different than what is typical for her--more subdued and restrained.

If you like British humor, and, more importantly, gallow's humor, this is a film worth checking out.

'Triggermen' is fun but unimpressive

Triggermen (2003)
Starring: Neil Morrissey, Adrian Dunbar, Donnie Wahlberg, Michael Rappaport, Claire Forlani, and Pete Postlethwaite
Director: John Bradshaw
Steve's Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Two small-time English thieves (Morrissey and Dunbar) come to Chicago in search of a big score, but instead find themselves mistaken for a pair of hitmen contracted to kill a mob boss who wants to retire (Postlethwaite). They take the payment and intend to run with the cash before they have to make good on the hit... but first they want to live it up a little. Meanwhile, the real killers (Wahlberg and Rappaport) are staying in the same hotel, waiting for their contact to provide them with cash and instructions. The situation becomes even more complicated when one of the assassins (who is also hoping to retire from his life of violent crime) meets and instantly falls in love with a woman (Forlani) who turns out to be the mob boss' daughter. Professional intergrity and mob codes of honor dictate that someone will have to be dead when the confusion and mistaken identies are sorted out.


"Triggermen" is an amusing crime comedy that will appeal first and foremost of fans of Donald Westlake novels and those who enjoy films like "Snatch" and "A Fish Called Wanda." Like in Westlake's best books, we stay involved with the story in "Triggermen" because all the main characters are very likable, despite the fact they're virtually all hardcore criminals, and because of the ever-escalating difficulties some of them find themselves in.

"Triggermen" doesn't bring anything new to this type of movie, but the acting and scripting is good enough to make it a worthwhile film nonetheless. It could even have been a Seven Star film if it had been slightly quicker in its pace. Once all the players in the drama and confusion have been introduced, the film seems to lose its way in a meandering second act.

'The Tuxedo' is nothing but fun

The Tuxedo (2002)
Starring: Jackie Chan and Jennifer Love Hewitt
Director: Kevin Donovan
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

When a super-spy is injured by a car bomb, it's up to a deeply insecure new agent (Hewitt) and his hapless driver (Chan) to use his gadget-filled tuxedo in order to stop a plot to poison all the water in the world.


"The Tuxedo" is a fluffy excursion into fun for fun's sake, a James Bondian-spoof that's lighter than even the lightest Roger Moore-starring entries into that series. It's not a movie you want to think to hard about, but just one to sit back and laugh along with the characters (or laugh at the characters, since Jennifer Love Hewitt's poor character--so eager to prove herself she ends up making mistakes--is the butt of many of the film's jokes). Basically, this is a live-action cartoon with the characters about as deep and the story as complex as that implies.

There's not much to this movie, but what's here is decent enough. Jackie Chan is amusing in his role as a guy who needs to rely on a hi-tech tuxedo laced with micro-computers and biometric to do the stunts and martial arts tricks his characters usually do by themselves. Jennifer Love Hewitt is cute (although occassionally obnoxious) as a young woman who is just a little too desperate to prove herself.

It's necessarily a movie to go out of your way for, but if you're looking for an action/comedy you can watch with younger kids, this film might fit the bill.

'Infernal Affairs' is an excellent police thriller

Infernal Affairs (2002)
Starring: Andy Lau, Tony Leung, Eric Tsang, and Anthony Wong
Director: Wei Keung Lau
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

A mole (Lau) for the Triad criminal gangs has risen to a position of prominance and authority in the Hong Kong police department and has been assigned to the prestigious anti-drug and anti-organized crime taskforce, exactly where his crimeboss master (Tsang) wanted him to be. While taking part in a sting, the mole discovers that the police have a counterpart to him in the Triads--a cop (Leung) who has been undercover for so long that only one person in the police department knows his identity. The undercover cop likewise realizes there is mole in his ranks... and the two men begin an investigative race to unmask and destroy each other to save themselves. Along the way, they must also choose where their real loyalties lie--with the lives they have adopted, or the lives they left behind.


Police dramas don't come much more tense and well-written than this one. The suspense and stakes grow ever-higher as the film unfolds, and Lau and Leung's excellent performances as two men who have lived lies for so long they may have lost track of who they were to begin with, lend even more tension to the story.

Few movies manage to pull off a cat-and-mouse chase story as successfully as this one does, particularly since it's got two mice and each are also the cat. The stars and the supporting cast are all excellent, the action sequences are well done--even if the tensest of moments actually take place with characters sitting at tables or in front of computers--and it's got a couple of twists toward the end that don't feel like the sort of cheats that so many movie makers like to impliment these days.

"Infernal Affairs" is a truly excellent crime-drama. It loses One Star for a couple of stray plot-threads I would have liked to have seen better handled, but that's only a minor annoyance.

A political comedy that was dated on release

Silver City (2004)
Starring: Danny Huston, Chris Cooper, Richard Dreyfuss, Maria Bello, Daryl Hannah, and Billy Zane
Director: John Sayles
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

A press opportunity and campaign commercial shoot for dimwitted gubernatorial candidate Dickie Pilager (Cooper) is disrupted when a dead body is discovered. Take-no-prisoners campaign manager Chuck Raven (Dreyfuss) hires burned-out-reporter turned private detective Danny O'Brien (Huston) to investigage possible links between the Pilager family and the corpse so he can institute damage control if he needs to. O'Brien uncovers far more than anyone had expected, and he drawn into a high-stakes political conspiracy involving billion dollar real estate development deals and illegal alien smuggling.


That summary of "Silver City" maikes it sound far more interesting than it is. This 2004 movie is so heavy-handed in its political messages (Republicans/Conservaitves ALL bad and evil and corrupt and stupid, Democrats/Liberals ALL good and pure and civic-minded and brilliant); the satire not even approaching clever or insightful, but merely recycled George Bush jokes that were old in 2001; and the mystery that Danny O'Brien investigates is drap and ultimately of a "so what"? variety. (But, it mostly becomes that due to the unrelenting, hackneyed political screeds that passes for the script and plot in this piece of junk.)

This is a film that was stale and dated when it was released in September of 2004, and it's only gotten more-so as George W. Bush's presidency slips away into history. Who could have guessed that so many talented actors could be so blinded by their politics so as to not recognize this film for a piece of garbage when they read the script?

This could have been a decent political thriller with satirical overtones if it hadn't been helmed by what I can only assume are a bunch of frothing fanatics. "Silver City" is the political equivilant of a third-rate drama airing late at night that Christian cable channel--if you're a True Believer, you'll think it's thrilling and funny. If you're even the least bit able to see that politics and politicians is far from a black and white game, and that no one rises to the top by being an idiot, and that no one is pure evil or pure sweetness and light, you will find this film to be a total waste of your time.

The only positive thing I can say about "Silver City" is that the cast all turn in excellent performances. I particuarly enjoyed Danny Huston, Billy Zane, and Daryl Hannah. I might even have liked Chris Cooper if his character had been just a tad more original and better written... but he did what he could with the unfunny crap he was working with.

I think the many glowing and fawning reviews this movie--which stinks worse than the corpse that ruins Dickie Pilager's film shoot--can be used as evidence for right-wingers who like to cry about liberal media bias. Only someone who is so severely brainwashed they're a mind-numbed robot could give this film anything approximating a positive review.

James Bond for the tatooed skateboarder crowd

xXx (aka Triple X) (2002)
Starring: Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Asia Argento, and Marton Csokas
Director: Rob Cohen
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

After losing several agents attempting to get the goods on a mysterious Russian crime group known as Anarchy 99, NSA honcho Augustus Gibbons (Jackson) decides it's time to fight fire with fire. He recruits extreme sportsman, professional rebel, and underground Internet celebrity Xander Cage (Diesel) into the agency's service and sends him to eastern Europe. After gaining the trust of Yorgi (Csokas), the Russian military officer turned ararchist and crimelord, he discovers that Anarchy 99 is a far more deadly terrorist threat than anyone has imagined even in their worst nightmares.


"xXx" is a James Bond movie for the skateboarding, snowboarding, tongue-piercing, random tatooing, baggy-pants crowd. From Xander's nifty spy-toys through the superweapon that Yorgi is going to unleash on the world, this film follows the step-by-step recipies that every Bond film since "Diamonds Are Forever" has followed. The action has been amped up--it's pretty much non-stop for the two-hour running time of the film--but the major showpiece stunts are pretty much what you'd expect to see in a James Bond film... and the same is true to the climax AND the denoument.

Heck, there's even one element of this film that makes it seem a tiny bit more sensible and believable than most James Bond films: Xander Cage is established as being 100% capable of pulling off crazy stunts with just about any mode of transportation you care to think of. How exactly did James Bond master such skills? (Not that I'm saying "xXx" is realistic, but then I'd never accuse a James Bond movie of that either.)

People who slam this movie like to complain about Vin Diesel's acting. I don't know what their problem is, as I think he does a fine job... considering he doesn't really have to act at all in this film. (The one scene where he does does do some acting--where Yorgi shows himself to be a more psychopathic monster than even the worse Bond foes--he does an okay job, given the character has been established as having nerves of titanium and a large amount of sympathy for "the little guy.") If there's someone that should be slammed for not giving much of a performance, it should be Asia Argento; she's attractive to look at, but she's not much of an actress, if one is to judge her by this film.

All in all, "xXx" succeeds extremely well as being at being a spy-movie in the James Bond mold. Check it out; it's a great deal of fun.

There is no escaping a violent past....

A History of Violence (2005)
Starring: Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello, Ed Harris, William Hurt, Peter MacNeill, Stephen MacHattie and Ashton Holmes
Director: David Cronenberg
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

Tom (Viggo Mortensen), a small town restaurant owner, becomes a national hero after defending his establishment from vicious armed robbers. This, in turn, brings Tom's secret past back to haunt him, threatening his family and everything he's grown to love.


"A History of Violence" is one of those movies that I recognize is a great piece of work, but one that is so intense that I don't want to watch it again. The acting, the well-crafted script, and the plausable, very realistic characters and situations make it the sort of movie that makes your skin crawl while you watch it. But it's not a fun horror movie creep-out sensation, but rather a chilling reaction to the tale unfolding on film.

If you want a thriller that feels firmly grounded in reality and a movie that will make you think, this is a film you need to check out. Just don't expect to find the sort of mood you're used to in a Will Smith or Harrison Ford vehicle. No one's in the mood for wisecracks after brutally dispatching a fellow human being, and you won't be in the mood to hear one either.

'Half Past Dead' is enjoyable crap

Half Past Dead (2002)
Starring: Steven Seagal, Ja Rule, Morris Chestnut, Kurupt, Nia Peeples, Bruce Weitz, and Claudia Christian
Director: Don Michael Paul
Steve's Rating: Five of Ten Stars

There are some films that I know are crap, yet I enjoy watching them for one reason or another. "Half Past Dead" is one of those.

In "Half Past Dead", FBI agent Sasha Petrosevitch (Seagal) goes undercover in a brand-new, hi-tech prison and runs afoul a plot to break out a deathrow inmate (Weitz) who knows the location of 200 million dollars of stolen gold.



The story is far-fetched and highly illogical in the way it unfolds, the action sequences thrilling but unrealistic to the point where they become goofy, the dialogue is awful, and the acting is even worse. (Steven Seagal should have done more movies more movies with rappers who are trying to pass themselves off as actors... they make him look like he's delivering an Oscar-worthy performance.)

This is a rediculous action movie any way you look at it, but I have a great time whenever I watch it.


The film will also forever hold a soft spot in my heart, because it was the first time I had a firm visual for what it looks like when some near-human aliens from my long-running "Star Wars Roleplaying Game" campaign gets into a fight. I will never tire of watching the Nia Peeples wire-fu scene for that reason.

"Half Past Dead" is highly recommended if you're looking to add an action film to the line-up of a Bad Movie Night... but it's not good for much else. The Five Rating it's getting is a very low Five.

While this was a better film that "On Deadly Ground", it's still pretty damn awful, and it was another rung in the ladder that brought reduced him to direct-to-DVD stardom. (Seagal likes to blame an FBI investigation, but the blame is found far closer to home than he probably wants to admit.)

Sherlock Sunday:The Case of the Whitechapel Vampire

The Case of the Whitechapel Vampire (2002)
Starring: Matt Frewer, Kenneth Welsh, Shawn Lawrence, Neville Edwards, Isabel Dos Santos, Cary Lawrence and Tom Rack
Director: Rodney Gibbons
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When members of a religious order based in London's Whitechapel District start dying at the hands of what appears to be a vampire, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson (Frewer and Welsh) are hired to find the culprit, be it a living psychopath, one of the walking dead, or a vengeful Central American demon-god.



After my luke-warm review of "A Royal Scandal," more than one reader told me that I needed to watch this Matt Frewer-starring Holmes, saying that it was a better movie on every level. And they were right.

Featuring an original story co-scripted by the director, this film is faster paced than "A Royal Scandal", more atmospheric, and, more importantly, it gives both Matt Frewer and Kenneth Welsh much more to work with as actors because it makes far better use of both Holmes and Watson as characters.

In my review of "The Royal Scandal", I put most of the blame for a weak pretrial of Holmes on Matt Frewer when I should have put it on the script, because given more and better material, Frewer does a passable job. Primarily, Frewer gets to portray Holmes looking down his nose at superstitions such as beliefs in spiritualism, vampires, and even God himself. This gives him more of a chance to display different facets of Holmes' character and even to play off Welsh's Watson a bit more than in the previous outing. Frewer's Holmes still isn't as equal to that brought to us by Basil Rathbone or Peter Cushing, but when given good material, he does a better job than either Robert Stephenson or Christopher Plummer did during their outings.

Kenneth Welsh is also redeemed as Watson in this picture. Like Frewer, once he had more to work with, he brought a life to the role that was lacking in "The Royal Scandal". Even better, Watson is written like just the sort of intelligent and capable assistant/friend that someone like Holmes would want to have at his back. In one of my favorite moments in the film, the final scene in fact, Watson even gets the last laugh as far as an on-going discussion about the existence of God and other supernatural beings are concerned, with Holmes being absolute steadfast in his denial of any such poppycock and Watson reserving judgement.

The supporting cast is also more interesting than that featured in "A Royal Scandal" and the "vampire murders" and the person committing them being gruesome and strange enough that the viewer is far less certain than Holmes (and even Watson) that they may indeed be the work of a demon or an undead monster. So well done is the film that you may be wondering right up to the very end where Holmes finds himself locked in a struggle for his very life with the killer.

Whereas I felt "The Royal Scandal" was a film Holmes fans could skip, I recommend this one more strongly. It's more faithful to Doyle and his vision that even some that purport to be faithful adaptations (especially when it comes to Watson's stance on the supernatural. Doyle was a True Believer when it came to spiritualism, so it's fitting that the defacto narrator of Holmes' adventures should at least have an open mind on the subject).