James Bond for the tatooed skateboarder crowd

xXx (aka Triple X) (2002)
Starring: Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Asia Argento, and Marton Csokas
Director: Rob Cohen
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

After losing several agents attempting to get the goods on a mysterious Russian crime group known as Anarchy 99, NSA honcho Augustus Gibbons (Jackson) decides it's time to fight fire with fire. He recruits extreme sportsman, professional rebel, and underground Internet celebrity Xander Cage (Diesel) into the agency's service and sends him to eastern Europe. After gaining the trust of Yorgi (Csokas), the Russian military officer turned ararchist and crimelord, he discovers that Anarchy 99 is a far more deadly terrorist threat than anyone has imagined even in their worst nightmares.


"xXx" is a James Bond movie for the skateboarding, snowboarding, tongue-piercing, random tatooing, baggy-pants crowd. From Xander's nifty spy-toys through the superweapon that Yorgi is going to unleash on the world, this film follows the step-by-step recipies that every Bond film since "Diamonds Are Forever" has followed. The action has been amped up--it's pretty much non-stop for the two-hour running time of the film--but the major showpiece stunts are pretty much what you'd expect to see in a James Bond film... and the same is true to the climax AND the denoument.

Heck, there's even one element of this film that makes it seem a tiny bit more sensible and believable than most James Bond films: Xander Cage is established as being 100% capable of pulling off crazy stunts with just about any mode of transportation you care to think of. How exactly did James Bond master such skills? (Not that I'm saying "xXx" is realistic, but then I'd never accuse a James Bond movie of that either.)

People who slam this movie like to complain about Vin Diesel's acting. I don't know what their problem is, as I think he does a fine job... considering he doesn't really have to act at all in this film. (The one scene where he does does do some acting--where Yorgi shows himself to be a more psychopathic monster than even the worse Bond foes--he does an okay job, given the character has been established as having nerves of titanium and a large amount of sympathy for "the little guy.") If there's someone that should be slammed for not giving much of a performance, it should be Asia Argento; she's attractive to look at, but she's not much of an actress, if one is to judge her by this film.

All in all, "xXx" succeeds extremely well as being at being a spy-movie in the James Bond mold. Check it out; it's a great deal of fun.

'Formula 51' doesn't work

Formula 51 (2002)
Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Carlyle and Emily Mortimer
Director: Ronny Yu
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Elmo McElroy (Jackson) is a master chemist who has created the ultimate in "designer drugs." After screwing the State-side drug syndicate he had worked for, he dons a kilt and travels to Liverpool, England to sell his formula for $20 million. Here, everything that can go wrong does go wrong, and Elmo finds himself on the run from corrupt cops, dimwitted skinheads, and a mysterious assassin (Mortimer) who is intent on gunning down everyone around Elmo. Can Elmo and his one ally--low-rent hood and soccer fan DeSouza (Carlyle)--find a buyer who stays alive long enough to purchase Formula SoM-51?


"Formula 51" wants to be a crime comedy occupying the ground somewhere between "Snatch" and "Pulp Fiction." Unfortunately, it has a confused, messy script, characters who never rise above stupidly obnoxious or being total cyphers, and virtually every attempt at humor is either tired retreads of too-often-seen gags or simply unfunny. And then there's a fact that Jackson spends the whole movie in a kilt, something that the cast and crew seemed to think was the film's comedic highlight, but which is really just mystifying, slightly dumb, and the source of too many bad attempts at humor. There are a couple of mildly interesting story twists and several scenes with some good acting in them, but the bad far outweighs the good in this movie as it rushes from badly thought-out scene to badly motivated action sequence.

There's enough action in the film to keep the viewer entertained, but there are also too many characters in the film who are so dumb that one wonders how they dress themselves in the morning. And they're not dumb in the way they were in "Pulp Fiction" or "Snatch"... they're dumb in an eye-rolling, "okay, the writer thought this was funny and it might be if I was high or drunk, but in actuality it's just stupid" sort of way. There's also the issue of a subplot involving a corrupt cop so blatantly violent and corrupt that he wouldn't even a believable as a character in a film set in some third-world hellhole, let along England. The actors are all good--with Jackson and Carlyle playing nicely off one another--but the weight of the awful script keeps them from really accomplishing anything worthwhile.