Even Chuck Norris grows old....

The President's Man (2000)
Starring: Chuck Norris, Dylan Neal, Soon-Tek Oh, Jennifer Tung, Ralph Waite, and Marla Adams
Director: Eric Norris and Michael Preece
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Joshua McCord (Norris), the latest man to fill the position of the most secret of secret service agents--an operative who is at the President's personal disposal to carry out missions that are so sensitive that no one else can ever know about them--finds that he is growing too old for the job. He hand-picks his successor (Neal), but he has barely started to train him before his apprentice must rescue the First Lady (Adams) from a group of shadowy terrorists with ties to McCord's past.

"The President's Man" was a successful attempt at making a made-for-TV movie in the vein of a James Bond film before they went COMPLETELY gadget happy... but on a fraction of the budget a Bond movie gets. It's a fun romp, featuring decent performances by the entire cast and a script that doesn't embarrass anyone too badly with clunky lines. Chuck Norris fans in will find plenty to cheer about, as, although he plays an agent who is on the verge of retirement and in theory isn't the main character, he has a couple of over-the-top action scenes of the kind that gave rise to the never-ending stream of Chuck Norris jokes.

You probably noted that I said above that Norris in theory isn't the main character in the film. That should be Sgt. Deke Slater, the apprentice President's Man. Unfortunately, Dylan Neal's main talent seems to be striking poses and mugging at the camera rather than playing a role with any sort of charisma. He has had a long and busy career, but he remains an unimpressive pretty boy in my opinion... especially when he's surrounded by charismatic performers like Norris, Jennifer Tung, and, last but far from least, one of television's most talented Asian character actors Soon Tek-Oh, in one of his last major roles as he career started to wind down. Neal simply can't measure up and as such, actors who should be supporting him--like Norris and Soon--end up outshining him whenever they share scenes. (The role of Slater got recast for the sequel.)

All-in-all, though, this is an enjoyable flick, especially if you like Chuck Norris and Soon Tek-Oh. It's also a demonstration of how Norris managed his career better than poor Steven Seagal. If Seagal had acknowledged the passage of time and tried to phase himself out as an action star, maybe he could have retired with grace instead of as an object of mockery.

Not terribly good, but still compelling

The Kidnapping of the President (1980)
Starring: William Shatner, Hal Holbrook, Miguel Fernandes, and Van Johnson
Director: George Mendeluk
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

The President of the United States (Holbrook) is kidnapped by a psychotic South American professional revolutionary (Fernandes) and held for ransom inside an booby-trapped armored truck full of explosives. It's up to a gun-shy Secret Service agent (Shatner), haunted by the memory of the Kennedy assassination, to figure out a way to save him.

"The Kidnapping of the President" is one of those movies that's saved by its cast. The plot is forced, the dialogue is universally awful, and the ending is all but spoiled by the director trying to ring some forced and very artificial suspense out of the final few moments.

Despite all the flaws, this is a film you watch because the actors in it as so likable and good. Hal Holbrook takes the character of President Adam Scott, who is written like an arrogant blow-hard, and gives him charm and likability. Shatner takes the Secret Service agent Jerry O'Conner, who is written like a borderline whiner, and infuses him with an air of resolve and toughness. Because of the performances by these two actors, the film's flaws seem to fade and you become interested in seeing how it will all turn out.

Van Johnson and Eva Gardner also do their best to bring life to a pointless subplot involving the corrupt Vice President and his shrewish wife. For what they had to work with, they do a decent job, but it really is an element the that added very little to the film. (They got this part of the political thriller aspect right in "Air Force One", another "the president is kidnapped by terrorists" movie... and perhaps one that learned from the mistakes of those that came before? Instead of delving into the background of the Vice President and his questionable morals and henpecked homelife, the filmmakers should have focused on the political mechanisms that kick in when the President is under threat.

If you like light-weight political thrillers, especially if you're a fan of William Shatner or Hal Holbrook, this is a movie worth checking out.

Steven Seagal embarrasses himself again

Belly of the Beast (2003)
Starring: Steven Seagal, Byron Mann, Monica Lo, Tom Wu, and Sara Malakul Lane
Director: Tony Ching
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

One-time CIA operative Jake Hopper (Seagal) travels to Thailand to rescue his daughter (Lane) who is being held for ransom by militants. He runs head-long into intrigues involving rogue military officers, corrupt CIA agents, and an evil sorcerer.

"Belly of the Beast" is a paint-by-numbers action flick that borrows and steals from any number of superior films. I'm not sure there's a single frame in it that isn't cribbed from somewhere, except perhaps the bit where a monastery full of Buddhist monks get together to unite their spiritual force and attempt to slay the evil Thai voodoo priest who is targeting their good buddy Jake Hooper with his voodoo dolls and chants. (It also happens to be one of the dumber moments in the movie. I know Buddhism is a big tent, but does it really have room for an entire monastery of monks who violate one of the most basic preciepts of Buddhism, that being "you will not take a human life"?)

Being unoriginal isn't necessarily bad. The recent hit movie "Machete"--which features Steven Seagal in a supporting role as the main villain--owes everything to 1970s blacksploitation films, and it's a great deal of fun. Sometimes, turning off the brain and just watching things explode isn't all that bad.

"Belly of the Beast" had the potential to be a movie like that, but that potential is sapped away by the presence of a weak, overweight, and generally unhealthly looking Steven Seagal. The fact that he is past his physical prime and out of shape--perhaps even ill--is made all the more obvious by the scenes he shares with sidekick Byron Mann. Mann is the young, physically fit actor that Seagal USED to be twenty years ago, and Mann doesn't need stand-ins and creative camera angles to make it look like he is doing his fight scenes, because he actually is doing his fight scenes.


Actually, this film would have been a far-sight more watchable if Mann had been the hero on a quest to free his kidnapped daughter and Seagal being the sidekick recruited out of retirement in a Buddhist monastery. Mann in the lead and Seagal as the sidekick would have fixed this film's worst problems. It might even have made the plot line with the barmaid falling head-over-heels in love with the dashing hero who rescues her believable. (Of course, the different casting would not have allowed broken down old fat guys like me to imagine us in Steven Seagal's shoes... "wow, if he can get a hot chick, then so can I!" Nor would we have been treated to teenaged girls in short-shorts and bikini tops, as any daugther Mann's character might have would be entirely too young for such displays. But I think it would have been a fair trade-off to avoid yet another sad spectacle of Steven Seagal humiliating himself.)

With a new decade upon us, I think maybe that Steven Seagal has FINALLY taken the hard look at himself and his career that he should have taken back in 2000. The role his plays in "Machete" is far more suitable for his physical condition and appearance these days--even if he had to play at being the bad-ass there, too. Maybe now, he will start settling into supporting roles and stop making those of us who liked his films in the early 1990s look upon him with pity.

When Harry Met Affirmative Action

The Enforcer (1976)
Starring: Clint Eastwood and Tyne Daly
Director: James Fargo
Rating: Nine of Ten Stars

When a terrorist group attempts to blackmail San Francisco with bombings, murders, and ultimately by kidnapping the mayor, even the unorthodox methods of Police Inspector Harry Callahan (Eastwood) might not be enough to overcome both the bad guys and the touchy-feely approach of the "new" San-Fran city government.


In "The Enforcer", the real-world San Francisco finally seems to catch up with Dirty Harry, as he spends as much time fighting against style-over-substance politics as he does tracking down the villains. Although the bad guys here are not up to the standards set by the first two movies--they may be more violent, but they're no where near as sinister--this movie is a vast improvement over "Magnum Force", not only because it actually has a well-focused storyline, but also because the character of Harry comes off as multi-faceted... and, for that matter, a true believer in justice and equality. From his interactions with black militants to his approach to his new female partner (Daly) who has been foisted on him in the name of women's-lib, Harry shows a constant willingness to accept anyone who proves themselves worthy of his trust and respect.

Like previous "Dirty Harry" movies, this film is blessed with excellent camera work and a great cast. In addition, the script is excellent, with the rookie homicide detective who gets promoted just because she's a woman, but who shows she definitely has the chops, being a great character (as well as a source of some of the film's more humorous moments.) What's more, out of all the films in the series, this is the one where Harry Callahan comes across the strongest and most likable. This is why the film has one of the saddest endings I think I've ever seen to a cop drama.

So, despite somewhat weakly realized foes for our gun-toting, morally unbendable homicide detective, "The Enforcer" stands as the second-best film in the "Dirty Harry" series.

'The Kingdom' is more evenhanded than usual Hollywood fare

The Kingdom (2007)
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Ashraf Barhom, Chris Cooper, Jason Bateman, Jennifer Garner, and Ali Suliman
Director: Peter Berg
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

Four FBI agents (Foxx, Cooper, Bateman, and Garner) travel to Saudi Arabia where they team with two Saudi police officers (Barhom and Suliman) to stop a deadly terrorist and his followers.


The Hollywood establishment seems obsessed with justifying or even excusing terrorists, and I expected this film to be a reflection of that. So, I went in expecting to hate it. However, I was pleasantly surprised. This movie shows terrorists exactly for the evil, psychopathic cowardly scum that that they are. It has none of the "one man's terrorist is another man's hero" crap that so many American "intellectuals" are so fond peddling.

The film also shows that the 75 years of Saudi Arabian and American governments have allowed the conditions that gave rise to the likes of the movie's "Abu Hamza" and the real-world Osama bin Ladens through their inaction and unwillingness to behave in anything but fashions that are self-serving and self-aggrandizing. In fact, the film has the rather accurate message that the American and Saudi governments are their own worst enemies--the American government being fawning toadies to the Saudis, and the Saudi government behaving like barbaric bullies.

My very favorite aspect of the film was the way the FBI agents and the Saudi state police officers ended up working together once politics and distrust was set aside, showing that good cop are good cop, no matter where in the world they are.

Almost every aspect of the film was very enjoyable, playing like a cross between "CSI: Riyadh" and an action flick, except for the very last minute or so, where we had to have some of the standard issue Hollywood moral equivalency dished out. Fortunately, the dose was not big enough to ruin the film, and it was so ludicrous that no intelligent person could do anything but snicker at it.

Dolph Lundgren proves smoking pot saves lives

Command Performance (2009)
Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Melissa Smith, Hristo Shopov, Dave Legeno and Zahary Baharov
Director: Dolph Lundgren
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

Bloodthirsty terrorists take the Russian Premier, his young daughters, and a are taken hostage together with the headlining Britney Spears/Christina Aguilara-like pop star at a charity rock concert. It's up to the pot-smoking drummer (Lundgren) for the opening act to save the day. Good thing he's a man with a violent past and able to pound the crap out of more than just a drum set.



Rarely have I seen one of these aging action icons from the 1980s cast so effectively as in this film. I remarked in my review of "The Russian Specialist" that Lundgren was making a successful transition into life behind the camera, and he takes a further step with this movie, even while starring in it. Although his character is an ass-kicker, it is also a character who is haggard and worn, an aging rocker who looks like someone who's spent too many late nights in too many dive bars; the sexy pop-tartlet even comments that he's not bad for "an old guy."

So, not only does Lundgren appear to realize that he is aging, but he writes/directs parts for himself that acknowledge that fact. I see him helming some good action films in the future, with younger talent doing the butt-kicking.

Speaking of good action films and butt-kicking, that's what we get in "Command Performance." Although it's a little slow in the wind-up and unfolds in a predictable "Die Hard" mold, it's a lot of fun once it gets going. Little touches that are evocative of "Die Hard" in ways that are amusing rather than just copy-catting make the film especially enjoyable if you're a lover of action films, such as the fact that Lundgren's tougher-than-tough drummer avoids getting rounded up or killed by the terrorists because he was in the bathroom smoking a joint.

There's nothing original here and the plotline gets a little muddled when one of the terrorists decide his boss is just a little too crazy to work for and tries to betray him. (Basically, the question arises that if it was as easy to sneak in and out of the auditorium as it appears, why weren't the Russian military infiltrating the place from the get-go?) However, it's good fun in a mindless sort of way, and it shows that Dolph Lundgren still has what it takes, whether he is in front of or behind the camera. He is an example that all those aging action stars laboring in the twilight of their careers should look to.

'The Devil's Own' is a movie he can keep

The Devil's Own (1997)
Starring: Harrison Ford and Brad Pitt
Director: Alan J. Pakula
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

A New York cop of Irish background (Ford) becomes host to an IRA terrorist (Pitt) who is the United States to buy weapons.


"The Devil's Own" spends much of its time in an offensive romanticising of a filthy bunch of murderous terrorists. The ONLY thing this movie gets right about Northern Ireland, the IRA, and Americans of Irish heritage is that Americans of Irish heritage either were too stupid or intellectual lazy to see the IRA for what they rea,lly are. (My money's on intellectually lazy... because Americans of Arab background or the Muslim persuasion are as stupid about twisted freaks like Hamas as the Irish-Americans used to be about the IRA.)

While the film does have some nicely done action sequences, there is too much offensive pablum here for me to recommend even watching it for that. (And why couldn't Brad Pitt hold his accent for more than one or two lines? Did he really choose to badmouth the film before it came out because he knew that he sucked worse than the script he was performing?)

'Air Force One' features kick butt president

Air Force One (1997)
Starring: Harrison Ford, Gary Oldman, Glenn Close and Grace Marshall
Director: Wolfgang Petersen
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When the plane carrying the President of the United States (Ford) is hijacked by Russian nationalists who want to force the release of an imprisoned war criminal, the President escapes capture and sets about kicking some terrorist ass.


"Air Force One" is a great little action film that anyone who appreciates an exciting plot featuring terrorists getting whacked in hand-to-hand combat by an unlikely hero and an interesting cast of characters portrayed by talented actors.

Harrison Ford portrays the sort of president that I think every American deep down wishes we could have the helm of our country (but will probably never get) while Gary Oldman chews the scenery to pieces and just about steals the movie as one of the most vicious characters you'll ever love to hate.

Corpulent Seagal faces 'Black Dawn'

Black Dawn (aka "The Foreigner 2") (2005)
Starring: Steven Seagal, Tamara Davies, Nicholas Davidoff, and Timothy Carhart
Director: Alexander Gruszynski
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

When CIA agent Amanda Stuart (Davies) sees her supposedly dead mentor Jonathan Cold (Seagal) show up with a armsdealer meeting with a crazed Muslim rebel (Davidoff), she knows something very big and very bad is coming down. But little did she know that soon she and Jonathan would be battling both terrorists and renegade CIA agents bent on detonating a nuke in downtown Los Angeles.


"Black Dawn" is absolutely, totally predictable; it's decently acted, with okay stunts, but there's nothing you haven't seen done better elsewhere. What's more, the cast is too small for there to ever be any doubt as to the identitiy of the traitor within the CIA. Then, to add insult to injury, we don't even get treated to decent fight scenes.

I don't know if Seagal is too old or too fat (and I know I'm not one to criticize someone for packing on the pounds come middle-age... I've turned into a true porker over the past five years) or if he may have been sick during the two-week schedule I assume this cheap quickie must have had, but not only were all three of the potential fight scenes over virtually before they started, they were done using stand-ins!

Yes, iconic Akido tough guy Seagal--the guy who in an interview on the DVD of "Black Dawn" talks about how he was in hundreds of fights before he lost one--doesn't do a single one of his fight scenes in this film. In fact, the stand-ins aren't built like Seagal (one doesn't even have similar hair, and we're treated to several seconds of the back of his head!) and there doesn't even seem to be an attempt to match the style he used when he DID do his own fight scenes.

I wonder if "Black Dawn" spells the end of Seagal's career. He's not really much of an actor, and if he can't do his own fight scenes, what's left? Maybe it's time for him to move behind the cameras and let others star in films that he produces? (On the other hand, he could well have been sick. There are several scenes where he seems to be carrying himself strangely, particularly with the way he crosses his arms.)

Sheesh... I seem to be going on about Seagal... but that's because I ran out of things to say about the movie in the second paragraph, and because I think he's done some pretty good action flicks (like "Hard to Kill", "Under Seige", "Half Past Dead" and even "The Foreigner"), and it's a bit sad to see him go out on such a pathetic note, if that is indeed what's happening.

If you want to see a fairly generic, relatively low-budget action flick with some sorry blue-screen shots, you want to pick up "Black Dawn." If you're looking for a good Steven Seagal flick, stay away from this one. You'll be very dissapointed.

'Die Hard' brings explosions to Christmas

Die Hard (1988)
Starring: Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman and Bonnie Bedelia
Director: John McTiernan
Steve's Rating: Nine of Ten Stars

Hardboiled New York City cop John McClaine (Willis) is struggling to cope with the long-distance relationship his marriage has become since his wife (Bedelia) took a job at the offices of a Japanese company in California. He travels west for Christmas Eve and the company's Christmas party, but soon finds himself in a situation far more explosive than his marriage will ever be: A group of terrorists led by Hans Gruber (Rickman) has taken the company executives (along with John's wife) and are threatening to kill them one by one unless a series of rediculous demands are met. With much more than his marriage at stake, John sets about defeating the terrorists single-handedly... but will he be fast (and deadly) enough to stop Hans Gruber's real master plan?


"Die Hard" is perhaps the perfect "hero with no way out, surrounded and outnumered by bad guys, and the situation keeps going from bad to worse"-movie. The script careens toward the film's explosive climax at breakneck pace from the very beginning, and yet it still manages to work in enough characterizations, subplots, and reversals that the viewer is invested in the characters and kept guessing how things might turn out up to the very end.

Rickman and Willis are excellent as the film's coldhearted villian and very vulnerable hero--unlike the heroes protrayed by the likes of Schwarznegger and Segal, Willis' John McClaine actually bleeds when hit, shot, or cut--and a fantastic supporting cast lets them both shine ever brighter. The cat-and-mouse game between McClaine and Gruber should stand as one of the greatest battles of wits and weapons in cinematic history.

If you haven't seen "Die Hard," add it to you list of Christmas viewing. At the very least, you'll be able to say that no matter how bad getting together with the relatives is. At least none of them are shooting up the Christmas tree with uzis or blowing up skyscrapers with all of you still inside.