'Switchback' is too much back and forth

Switchback (1997)
Starring: Danny Glover, Jared Leto, R. Lee Ermey and Dennis Quaid
Director: Jeb Stuart
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

An aging sheriff (Ermey) must choose between his political future and helping a renegade FBI agent (Quaid) capture an elusive serial killer who has kidnapped his young son. But will they manage to interpert the killer's clues before it's too late?

"Switchback" is one of those films I wish I liked more, but, to be perfectly honest, I think the 5 rating I'm giving it is on the generous side--it's definately a low 5.

The biggest problem with "Switchback" is that it's made up of some very excellent parts that don't really work together due to a poorly thought out plot that was also badly implemented.

There are three stories in the film. Individually, they are faily well done and well acted, but they don't connect effectively.

First, there is the story of a county sheriff who is forced to choose between the spirit of the law and the letter of the law (not to mention right and wrong) on the verge of very tight election. If he makes the moral choice, he is sure to lose his career. R. Lee Ermey gives an excellent and sympathetic performance in this role. The contest between Ermey and his political opponent that gets disrupted by a serial killer apparently wandering through their county would make for a great movie.

Second, there's the story of an odd couple--a retired railroad worker and a dispirited doctor--on a roadtrip to Utah. One of them is a serial killer who is probably going to murder the other one and frame him for his crimes. Danny Glover puts on a good show as the self-destructive railroad worker, while Jared Leto is just bland enough to be believable as the depressed doctor who may or may not be a psychopathic killer. There are some really fun and exciting scenes between these two actors, and, like the story of the sheriff, I could easily see a "The Hitcher"-style movie in this material.

Third, there story of the FBI agent who is chasing the serial killer in the hopes of recovering his kidnapped son. He is following some utterly obscure clues and he is violating all sorts of FBI orders in the process. Dennis Quaid is okay, but he probably gives the weakest performance in the film. It's not entirely Quaid's fault, as he is also dealing with the weakest material--his story is supposed to be the thread that runs through the film and connects the others, but it so weakly done and so poorly thought out that it simply isn't able to do so.

The greatest problem is with the clues that Quaid's character supposedly uses to figure out when and where he will be able to catch the killer. These clues were so obscure that he only found the solution by pure chance... and even then there was one final step to solving the mystery that I can't for the life of me figure out how the killer expected him to reach the proper conclusion, or how he even DID reach the proper conclusion. (If anyone who has seen "Switchback" wold like to impress the world with their intellect and explain the solution to us, please leave a comment!)

"Switchback" is a movie that is NOT greater due to the sum of its parts. It's more like a couple of very good movie ideas that were truncated and butchered into this film and everyone who saw it is poorer as a result.

'Suicide Kings' succeeds despite iffy start-point

Suicide Kings (1997)
Starring: Christopher Walken, Denis Leary, Henry Thomas, Johnny Galecki, Nathan Dana, Sean Patrick Flanery, and Jay Mohr
Director: Peter O'Fallon
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

When Avery (Thomas) convinces some friends (Dana, Galecki, Flanery, Mohr, and Thomas)  to kidnap retired mob boss Charlie Bennett (Walken) in the hopes of forcing him to help locate Avery's kidnapped sister, they Ivy Leaguers quickly find themselves out of their depth. Things prove to be more complicated than even they even appear to begin with when, Charlie's eyes and ears on the street (Leary) discovers that one of the four friends was also involved in the kidnapping of the sister and that an elaborate double-cross may be afoot.

If one can set aside the weak starting point of this film (why would four otherwise intelligent people think it was a good idea to kidnap a violent and powerful mobster?) and some "huh?" moments in character behavior when the film is at its most tense, "Suicide Kings" is very enjoyable movie that skips back and forth over a dividing line between thriller and dark comedy.

While all the the cast does a great job in this character-driven movie, Walken is especially as the sharp-witted and sharp-tongued, always cold-as-ice-and-scheming mobster; Leary is fabulous as a thug with a soft spot for life's down-and-outs (but who otherwise is a remorseless killer; and Galecki is hilarious as an "audience stand-in character", expressing exactly the sort of fear and confusion . The rapid-fire, funny dialogue and the ever-larger questions of who will win the battle of wills going on between the kidnappers and their victim--not to mention who among the characters is the true criminal and who, if any, will walk away alive at the end--make the film even more engrossing.

If the story had been a bit more grounded in something that resembled common sense, this would have been a Seven Star movie. As it is, it's getting Six Stars for being an average "pressure cooker" sort of thriller with comedic overtones, but with some stand-out performances.

'Marked for Death' is a good Seagal movie

Marked for Death (1990)
Starring: Steven Seagal, Keith Davis, and Basil Wallace
Director: Dwight H. Little
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Recently retired DEA undercover agent John Hatcher (Seagal) is drawn into a conflict with a Jamaican drug lord (Wallace) when an old friend (Davis) comes to him for help. But when it appears the drug gang wields true supernatural powers born from voodoo rituals--rituals that are soon targeted at Hatcher and his family--will this "one last job" prove too much for Hatcher to handle?

"Marked for Death" is a fast-paced action film revolving around the usual neigh-invulnerable Steven Seagal kick-ass character. Everything in it is over the top, but it all adds up to great fun and lots of mindless mayhem. If you enjoy your action heroes with a side of late 1980s Batman-esque comic book violence (where criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot, and supernatural occurrences may or may not be clever hoaxes) you're going to get a big kick out of this film as it careens from set-piece fight to set-piece fight, with a few well-staged chase scenes and car crashes in between. The film offers no great surprises for experienced action movie fans, but everything here is competently done.

The cast all do a fine job in their roles, none of which required great range but almost all of which were physically demanding. Stars Keith Davis is decent as the stouthearted sidekick; Basil Davis manages to exude some serious menace as the drug lord voodoo priest, with enough physical presence and charisma that viewers can feel like Seagal's character is in danger of losing the big final battle; and Steven Seagal is still at the top of his game in this film, fit and trim enough to both be believable as a martial arts expert and able to do his own fight scenes and stunts.

If you've never seen some of Seagal's older movies--but have only been subjected to the increasingly bloated version of him that's been lumbering across screens since 1996 forward--you should check out this movie. It's a great example of what those who speak fondly of him and his movies are thinking of when they do so.

Trivia: The 2003 Seagal vehicle "Belly of the Beast" follows almost the exact same plot as this movie, playing out like an incoherent remake of "Marked for Death", complete with Voodoo-wielding villains. Click here to read my review.

Tough guy vs. bratty kids and deadly Ninja!

The Pacifier (2005)
Starring Vin Diesel and Lauren Graham
Director: Adam Shankman
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Vin Diesel stars as Shane Wolfe, the toughest SEAL team commander on active duty. After a botched mission to rescue a scientist who has developed some important new military technoiogy, Lt. Wolfe is assigned to protect the now-dead scientist's five young children from enemy agents still seeking to acquire the missing prototype. What follows is an amusing fish-out-of-water story, as the career SpecOps officer learns about family life, and in turn helps the children through their grief and teaches them alot about discipline and personal responsibility.


This type of story has been told in movies and in Afterschool Specials a hundred times, and "The Pacifier" is an average example of it. It avoids a couple of the most typical cliches of this type of comedy, but it dishes up the rest while even working in typical action movie tropes. (Diesel's fight with the ninjas [yes... the film not only has Navy SEALs, it has ninjas!] and the mini-van car-chase sequences are particularly amusing.)

If you're the overly cynical type, or if you suffer from diabetes, you might want to avoid this film--it will send you into insulin shock. I enjoyed its sweetness, even if there are a couple of plot-holes that bothered me.

'Modesty Blaise' is fun, but not much like source

Modesty Blaise (1966)
Starring: Monica Vitti, Terence Stamp, Clive Revill, Dirk Bogarde, Harry Andrews, Michael Craig, and Rosella Falk
Director: Joseph Losey
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Adventuress Modesty Blaise (Vitti) and her sidekick Willie Garvin (Stamp) are lured out of semi-retirement by the British government with a promise of a massive payday if they stop an unknown enemy from interfering with a shipment of diamonds promised to an eccentric Middle Eastern leader (Revill) in exchange for "oil considerations." However, the mysterious opponent is Blaise's old enemy Gabriel (Bogarde)--a crime lord who secretly funds his underground empire with his mother's money--and he's not only familiar with all of Blase's tricks, but he's two steps ahead of everyone.

"Modesty Blaise" is one of those movies I wish I could like more than I do, because there is alot to like about it. First of all, it's got a timeless adventure tale at its heart with the Mid-East/West relationship and how the characters interact as relevant today as in 1966; Modesty and Willie's partnership and how they know each other so well they can predict just about everything the other is going to do is fascinating and completely free of the sexual tension that filmmakers usually insist on tossing into a male/female partnership; the villains manage to be creepy and funny at the same time--not to mention they were ripped off for the James Bond flick "Golden Eye"; and every actor featured puts on an excellent performance.

On the downside, there are many things that the filmmakers included intentionally that undermined by enjoyment of the film. The worst of these were elements of absurdity that made served no story purpose and made no sense no matter how you looked at them, such as the way Modesty Blaise would change hair color and clothes in an instant, sometimes as we watched her on screen and the ridiculous costumes they had her dressed in on a couple of occasions. I suspect the filmmakers thought this added to the lighthearted, goofy tone of the film, but it was actually just stupid and nonsensical.

An unintentional weakness is that the film features some of the absolute worst fight scenes ever put on film. Not only are they badly choreographed and lame--your average SCA members or even nine-year-olds used to playing "Cops and Robbers" in the backyard could have done better jobs--and has stunt doubles so badly matched to the main actors that I'll never mock those who appeared in some of Steven Seagal's movies ever again. There simply isn't a single melee fight that even approaches believeable or exciting in this film, and the only reason the big battle at the end works is that it's played for laughs.

I imagine that hardcore fans of the classic "Modesty Blaise" comic strip by Peter O'Donnel and Jim Holdaway were mighty upset with this goofy movie was released. I imagine many of them get upset today. I can understand that a little bit... I have fond memories of reading those strips and in compilations some 25-30 years ago. However, this is a fun movie, no matter how unserious it is. It could have been a great movie--and there are some great things about it that make it worth seeing even 40 years after its initial release--but the filmmakers went overboard on their silliness and ended up weakening their end product.

I think the film is worth seeing, but it's not necessarily one for which you should pass up for something else that looks interesting.

The truth apparently lies in a boring place

Where the Truth Lies (2005)
Starring: Kevin Bacon, Colin Firth, Alison Lohman, and David Hayman
Director: Atom Egoyan
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

A young journalist specializing in celebrity interviews (Lohman) sets out to uncover the mystery behind the events that broke up the successful 1950s comedy team of Collins & Morris. She discovers an underbelly of the entertainment industry that is even more filthy than she had imagined.

"Where the Truth Lies" has the makings of an excellent mystery in the film noir vein. It's got the story elements--a reporter on a quest, reclusive men of riches and power with dark secrets to hide, betrayal, sex, lust, greed... everything--and it has the shells of some very interesting characters.

But the potential here remains unrealized.

The director seems to be have been more interested in showing off the film's excellent set and costume design (the film is VERY effective at evoking the two different time periods it takes place in--the 1950s and the 1970s) and trying to get as much milage out of titilation and sleaze as possible instead of giving us reasons to care about the film's characters.

The end result is a very hollow feeling movie, and a movie that starts to feel boring and overlong when it should drawing the viewer in with suspenseful anticipation. Because we don't really care about the characters, we are barely interested in the mystery at the film's core at the end than we were at the beginning. By the time it enters into its second half, the dominating feeling is "get on with it!" instead of an anticipation of what happens next.

"Where the Truth Lies" is a very pretty film, but that's not enough to make it worth sitting through. I saw this film while sitting in a hotel room with nothing better to do but watch it, and I kept grabbing books to flip through. Even the hawt lesbian nookie (although gorgeously filmed) was not enough to stave off my growing boredom and irritation with the fact the film wasn't getting to its conclusion.

Dirty Harry takes on celebrity worship

The Dead Pool (1988)
Starring: Clint Eastwood, Patricia Clarkson, and Liam Neeson
Director: Buddy Van Long
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

When "Dirty" Harry Callahan (Eastwood)--San Francisco's most rebellious and anti-social homicide detective--is pointman in sending a major crime boss to prison, he finds himself receiving favorable media attention for once... and he hates every minute of it. He hates even more that the police commissioner wants him to spend time doing "press availabilities"... but when he is targeted first by vengeful mobsters and then by a maniac bent on claiming victory in a sick betting game called "The Dead Pool", Harry and his famous Magnum revolver are back in familiar territory, even defending a lady reporter (Clarkson) from harm.

"The Dead Pool" has all the elements that has made the Dirty Harry character so popular, particularly the way he is a conduit for the viewers disgust with police departments that are more concerned with PR than stopping crime, out-of-control and irresponsible journalists; and the way he is the sort of cop that really can only exist in urban fairy tales like the Dirty Harry movies. (Dirty Harry NEVER harms an innocent--in fact, he goes far and above the call of duty in their defense--but if anyone who even was close to the sort of nature that Harry has would have been tossed off the force long ago.)

Although "The Dead Pool" has all the great elements of a Dirty Harry story, it is weakened by several over-the-top assassination attempts on Harry by the gangsters and a main villain that's as crazy as the Scorpio Killer but whose final encounter with Harry sort of peeters out and is weakened by a gesture that is even extreme even for Harry (and a bit out of character, it seems to me the filmmakers were interested more in a final pun than a good ending to the film).

Those bad parts, however, give rise to some of the films better moments, so they can be excused. First, the way Harry gets the mob hit men off his back is the sort of approach that is at the heart of why the character was so popular. Second, a crazy assassination scheme of the film's main bad guy gives rise to one of the funkiest car chases ever put on film.

"The Dead Pool" features a great performance by Clint Eastwood as one of his signature characters. While it's not the best of the Dirty Harry films, it's still very worthwhile viewing. (One sad little part of the movie is the commentary on the out-of-control celebrity-worshipping media culture of the U.S... it's sad over 20 years later that media culture is more out of control than ever.

Your marital problems ain't nuttin'

Mr. and Mrs. Smith (2006)
Starring: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Director: Doug Liman
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

John and Jane (Pitt and Jolie) meet by chance while both are on business in Bogota, fall in love, and get married a few months later. However, their separate professional lives and the secrets they are keeping from each other soon take a toll on their marriage, as they are both professional assassins working for competing firms. The truth comes out when they are both assigned to take out the same target.


"Mr. and Mrs. Smith" is a fun action movie that manages to dish out quite a bit of commentary on marriage, love, and friendship in between shoot-outs and chases. The film's a bit slow in its wide-up, but once it gets going it keeps you engaged. The action's okay and the jokes are funny. (The freeway mini-van chase is particularly exciting AND amusing.)

Pitt once again shows that he's one of the funnest actors working today, and Jolie pulls off a great assassin-turned-suburban housewife routine. Both stars also manage to present characters that are both tough and vulnerable (at least as far as one another are concerned).

There's no deep messages here, and the action scenes aren't groundbreaking, but aside from a slightly sluggish start, there's nothing particularly bad about the film. It's one of those where you can just turn off your brain and laugh at the mayhem.

'Zodiac' is too long, but still worth the time

Zodiac (2007)
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr, Anthony Edwards, Chloë Sevigny, Elias Koteas, and John Carroll Lynch
Director: David Fincher
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

A mysterious killer taunts the police and the press with letters while remaining unknown and uncatchable. "Zodiac" tells the story of three men (Downey, Gyllenhaal, and Ruffalo) whose lives were altered and consumed by their attempts to unmask the killer. The tagline here-- "There's more than one way to lose your life to a killer"--is one of the more apt ones to ever be applied to a film.


Based on real-life events, "Zodiac" is a dialogue-driven thriller that keeps a downbeat, tense mood--accented by brief horror sequences as Zodiac commits his murders or moments such as when cartoonist-turned-amateur-slueth Robert Graysmith (played by Jake Gyllenhaal) comes face to face with a man he comes to believe is the Zodiac himself--as it grinds through its nearly three hour running time. While the fillm is entirely too long, it is nonetheless well put together with excellent performances by every member of the cast. (I am mildly troubled by the fact there's a two disk director's cut of this film available. It already began to feel tortourously long as the Zodiac investigation ran around in a swamp of dead ends and I was about ready to give up on it just when Graysmith finally started putting some pieces together and the movie picked up its pace as he zeroed in on the identity of the Zodiac Killer. I shudder to imagine how dull an even longer version of this movie must be.)

"Zodiac" is worth seeing, particularly if you enjoy true-to-life police procedurals and low-key thrillers, but be aware that you'll probably have to set aside an entire evening to do so. I'd be prone to stay away from the extended director's cut, but I admit to not having seen it.)

'Sudden Impact' is weakest Dirty Harry film

Sudden Impact (1983)
Starring: Clint Eastwood and Sondra Locke
Director: Clint Eastwood
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

A rape victim (Locke) is taking brutal revenge on her attackers, and SFPD's most rebellious police inspector, Harry Callahan (Eastwood) is trying to catch her.


I once wrote that "Magnum Force" is the weakest link in the "Dirty Harry" cycle. I take it back. That dubious distiction properly goes to "Sudden Impact", a film without any likable characters (with the possible exception of Meathead the Dog); flat performances from most of the actors (even Eastwood); a story that relies waaay too much on coincidence to keep moving (yes, there always needs to be some sort of coincidental convergence of events and characters, but "Sudden Impact" features so many that it's just plain bad writing); and the end is out of step with the way Callahan has been portrayed in previous films, how he is portrayed in the final film in the series... and it's just a bad ending all-around. (Without providing too many spoilers, Harry pretty much abandons any moral high-ground he once may have been able to claim, because as the end credits roll in "Sudden Impact", he's no longer a good cop by any stretch of the imagination.)

To make the experience even worse, Sandra Locke appears to have received a talent-ectomy before filming on "Sudden Impact" began.

I remember liking this movie alot when I saw it as a kid some two decades ago. All I really remembered was the startling final shot of the main bad guy, and the scenes with Meathead. I really should have watched all the "Dirty Harry" movies again before condemning "Magnum Force." It's interesting how tastes change as we grow older.

'The Contract' is not worth working for

The Contract (2006)
Starring: Morgan Freeman, John Cusack, and Jamie Anderson
Director: Bruce Beresford
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

A top assassin (Freeman), stranded in the Washington backwoods, ends up in the custody of Ray (Cusack), a retired police officer who wants to reconnect with and impress his young son (Anderson). Will Ray manage to bring the killer to the authorities, or will the rest of the hit team catch with up him first?


"The Contract" isn't a bad movie, but it isn't exactly a good one, either. The plot is one that's been done a dozen times over, the "twists" are all predictable because they too have been done a dozen times over characters are cliches that only come to life due to the excellent work of the actors portraying them... but even the best actor can make up for the fact that every action the characters take seem dictated by plot needs rather than common sense. It's the sort of film that's worth watching if you come across it late at night on television and can't sleep. It's not worth going out of your way for, though.

The best thing about the film is actually Morgan Freeman. He plays the cold-blooded, practical, and well-spoken sociopath very well... although he's had plenty of practice, given that this is the third or fourth time he's played that character. Freeman is interesting enough of an actor that he manages to make hit man Frank Carden interesting and likable, even if the character is as written is as dull as they come, and he is the villain of the piece; not the main villain, but certainly not a character the viewer is supposed to be as sympathetic toward as we are.

Our sympathies should lie with Ray, the father struggling to keep his son from "going bad" and the struggling to keep everyone alive. Unfortunately, Ray is such a dunderhead--being the main factor that keeps some fairly simple resolutions to the storyline from being enacted, no matter how sensible they might be--and John Cusack plays the part like he's asleep half the time, so Ray ends up feeling like a non-entity, exactly like the troubled single father stereotype he's written as.

Where Freeman seems to give his character life beyond the page, Cusack never seems to rise above the workman-like script. So, with a perceptive man of steel on one hand, and a dimwitted dish rag on the other, it's no wonder that we like Freeman's character over Cusack's. (And, of course, in the end, Freeman's character turns out to be not such a bad guy after all... because hit men are murderers with honor and hearts of gold in the world of movie stereotypes.)

'Medusa' is a twisted crime drama full of quirky characters

Medusa (1973)
Starring: George Hamilton, Luciana Paluzzi, Cameron Mitchell, Theodor Rambow, and Takis Kavouras
Direector: Gordon Hessler
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Jeffrey (Hamilton) is a drunken playboy living in Greece and whooping it up like the quintessential Ugly American. However, when word gets out that a last minute change to their father's will might leave Jeffrey and Sarah penniless, Jeffrey's life takes a turn for the serious, as a local mobbed-up casino owner (Mitchell) starts squeezing him to settle his $170K+ debts, and a mysterious strangler starts following him around, killing everyone connected with the rumored will. Is this masked killer real, or simply a figment Jeffrey's cracked mind?


"Medusa" is an offbeat crime drama that, despite an excess of padding in the form of Greeks singing, dancing, throwing plates, and otherwise behaving as though they're in an "Official Production of the Greek Travel and Tourism Department," is a fun and entertaining ride. Its populated by quirky characters, many of whom have an almost classic film-noir sense about them, such as the omni-present, nameless homicide detective (Kavouras) and Mitchell's health-nut gangster. In fact, I think Mitchell may well give the best performance of his career in this film.

Hamilton also gives the best performance I think I've ever seen from him--and while that may sound like I'm damning with faint praise, I'm not. I've always seen him as a comedic actor, and while he certainly plays a goofball here, he plays a dangerous, crazy goofball... and the menace oozes from his glittering smile when the scene calls for it.

In fact, this film was good enough that I almost feel inclined to forgive Gordon Hessler for the awful piece of crap that was "Scream and Scream Again".

The Adventures of Lemon Drop!

Lemon Drop (2010)
Starring: Ali Larter, Martin Kove, and Erica McIntyre
Director: Traktor
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Lemon Drop (Larter) is a sexy defender of cute animals, and when a pair of kittens are abducted from the pet store that serves as the front for her operation, she swings into immediate action. Clues lead her to a night club, but why would singing sensation Johnny Thunderbird (Kove) want to abduct kittens?

Absolut Vodka has a cute ad campaign going for their lemon flavored vodka, the center piece of which is an online short film that tries to look like one of those discarded drive-in B-movies that show up in less-than-perfect condition in the DVD multi-packs with titles like "Tough Dames" and "Drive-In Movie Classics."

Although it's not a "full-length movie" as banner ads at Rottentomatoes.com and elsewhere claim, it is still a cute little spoof. Although I'm usually a Three Olives kinda guy--with chocolate and cherry flavored vodkas being my favorites--I might reward them by giving their product a test next time I'm restocking the liquor cabinet. The jokes are funnier and the performances are better in this little ad are better than in some real movies I've been subjected to in recent years.

You can check out "Lemon Drop" without needing to go anywhere but here. Just click "play" on the imbedded video, below. (For what it's worth, it's strictly a soft-sell ad.)



(For more on Ali Larter and her recurring part in the "Resident Evil" series, click here to visit my Terror Titans blog.)

Why does that 'one last job' never goes well?

The Squeeze (aka "Diamond Thieves", "Gretchko", "The Rip-Off" and "The Heist") (1978)
Starring: Lee Van Cleef, Karen Black, Edward Albert, and Lionel Stander
Director: Antonio Margheriti (or Anthony M. Dawson, depending on source)
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Chris Gretchko (Van Cleef), legendary but long-retired safe cracker comes out of retirement to help the son of an old friend (Albert) who needs to steal some diamonds for German gangsters to extract himself from trouble. He's barely arrived in New York City before the crossing and double-crossing begins and "the simple job" starts spinning out of control.

"The Squeeze" is a pretty straight-forward crime drama, with a couple of surprising twists--surprising because most of the movie is so by the numbers that what might seem like a mild twist in other movies is quite surprising in this one. Still, the script is well-paced, the complications arising on cue, and the revelations of the various double-crosses, lies, and deceptions undertaken by the various characters are all handled well.

The cast are all good, with Van Cleef (cool-beyond-cool, as usual, but in a role that fit his age... he was obviously a sensible actor who didn't try to hang onto the youthful tough guy parts past the due date) and Black (as a studiously ditzy New Yorker who ends up as Van Cleef's helper) being particularly excellent. The film, however, is severely crippled by a soundtrack that is so 1979 and low-budget Italian that it's painful. (There are also, if comments on www.imdb.com can be believed, some really badly edited pan-and-scan prints of this one floating around; the version I saw was in excellent shape, and can be found in the Brentwood DVD four-pack "Perfect Heists", along with three other classic heist movies.)

If you can be sure you're not getting a chopped-up print, I think this is a fairly enjoyable film... it's not great, but it's good enough.

'New York Blood' is a decent no-budget film

New York Blood (2009)
Starring: Vinnie Stigma and Marvin W. Schwartz
Director: Nick Oddo
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

New York gangster Vinny (Stigma) tries to help his psychotic father (Schwartz) when he is released from prison for murder. Instead, the old man's blood-thirsty, violent ways ends up destroying Vinny's little kingdom of prostitution and drug dealing.


"New York Blood" is an ultra-low budget movie with the running-time and pacing of an hour-long television drama. Writer/director Nick Oddo created a movie that has some of the typical flaws seen in films at this production level, but for the most part it's superior to most other films you'll come across that were made for $4,000. It's also a decent gangster movie that's populated with characters that come across as real.

The biggest budget-related production flaws that "New York Blood" displays--here it's mostly bad sound, as it seems either the microphone on the camera itself was used, or a single mic on one actor in each scene was used to pick up the dialogue from all actors and no (if any) post-production looping took place. Otherwise, the film is well-lit, well-staged, and well-paced, with not a single scrap of padding anywhere to be found. The only other annoying flaw--and this may be nitpicking--was the strangely loose bandage on the face of a girl who had supposedly been cut up by a psychopath. Could whoever was doubling as propmaster and/or costumer not have applied a little extra glue to the surgical tape so it would stick to the girl's make-up? Even a dab of Elmer's Glue would have been better than the distracting, flapping tape in the scene.

The acting here is also better than what is usually found in films at this level, or, rather, Oddo managed to hide the short-comings of his cast of mostly first-time and one-time movie actors. First, none of the weaker actors are called upon to carry any significant scenes--Oddo was very wise in casting and editing choices. Second, the film has the feel of a documentary and/or a "reality show" to the point where Vinny addresses the camera with comments about what he is doing--so it works that a few characters feel a little stiff. Unfortunately, Oddo doesn't keep this documentary tone consistently through the picture, choosing to break from it by showing Lorenzo committing his gory murders. While I understand why Oddo wanted to get some violence into his flick, the way he did it undermines the best aspect of the film.

Still, there are filmmakers who spend ten times what Oddo spent on his movie that don't make them this good. If you like gangster movies, I think you would do well to check it out.

'Crank' is chaotic but not all that exciting

Crank (2006)
Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Jose Pablo Cantillo, Dwight Yoakam, Efren Ramirez, and Carlos Sanz
Directors: Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Professional hit man Chev Chelios (Statham) wakes up to discover that he has himself has been the target of an assassination: He has been poisoned with a slow-acting drug that will kill him if his hear-rate drops. In order to survive long enough to reach the doctor who might save him (Yoakam), he goes on a chaotic rampage across Los Angeles to keep his blood pumping and adrenaline flowing.


"Crank" may be a case of "too much of a good thing." I found the first 45 minutes or so of Chev's quest to stay alive at least long enough to kill those who killed him very amusing and very entertaining. It was a little like the classic "D.O.A." but on speedballs and a gallon of coffee. Statham has many amusing one-liners, and the situation his character is in is both funny and nightmarish in the way it's presented.

But then I started looking at the clock and wondering if the film wouldn't get to some sort of point.

Basically, this is a one-gag story, and the gag starts to wear pretty thin after the third time Chev almost dies and needs to find some other way to keep his excitement up. Yes, there are laughs and plenty of action... but there is no substance. Like the video games the film references on several occassions--characters are playing them, doors are decorated with icons from them--the film keeps looping through the same type of encounters and situations but on different "levels". This is great if you're actually the one playing a video game, but not terribly interesting if you're just watching, as I was with this movie.

I do applaud the filmmakers for creating a film that unfolds like a video game, even if I wish there had been more substance to it, and even if I don't particularly care for the nonsensical, dreamlike ending. It's out of step with the rest of the movie, and fails to take advantage of the ending that was pefectly set up. I suppose they were trying to avoid the pat and obvious "happy ending," but I would have appreciated it.

On the other hand, there is a sequel to this film, featuring Statham, as improbably as that seems given the film's final moments. Maybe the ending I thought was being set up was the actual ending and the dreamlike stuff was just a dream.

So... as much as I don't like the ending, and as much as I wanted "Crank" to bring more than it does--or wanted it to be about 15 minutes shorter--I will probably been seekig out the sequel. I enjoyed it enough that I am curious to see what happens next.

The Complete 'Transporter' Series

As part of "The Expendables Week," I'm re-presenting my reviews of the movies that elevated Jason Statham to the position of action super star--the Luc Besson-produced "Transporter" series. Like many of the reviews found on the various Cinema Steve blogs, these originally appeared on my blog at rottentomatoes.com between the years of 2005 and 2008.


The Transporter (2002)
Starring: Jason Statham, Qi Shu, and François Berléand
Director: Louis Leterrier and Corey Yuen
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Frank Martin (Statham) is the underworld's chief courier, and he can deliver anything and anyone to any place, no questions asked. But when one particular package turns out to be a bound and gagged Chinese girl (Shu), Frank is forced to take on the mantle of hero.


I think I saw something in this movie that most reviewers did not, and I think that caused me to have an even more favorable impression of this film than they did.

Frank Martin and everything about him reminded me of Bean Bandit from the classic "Gunsmith Cats" graphic novels, and the film felt like an unauthorized live-action version of a Bean Bandit adventure. That character, too, is a hard-bitten rogue with his own never-compromised code of honor, drives a ultra-costumized car, will deliver anything anywhere against any odds, and can kick the ass of those he can't outdrive. In every detail that matters, Frank Martin is Bean Bandit. And like "Gunsmith Cats," this movie is more concerned about guns, fast cars, and action than about tight story logic.

The echoes of "Gunsmith Cats" and Bean Bandit aside, this is also just a fun ride of a movie. Frank Martin is a cool action hero in the mold of an Old West cowboy or an 1980s/1990s Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger character. Unlike the characters portrayed by them, however, Frank is a man of style and refinement--his car is always spotless and his black suits and ties are always crisply pressed. Even after an extended fight, Frank looks sharp.

The biggest flaw with this picture is that I had the sense that filmmakers didn't have the guts to take the film where it needed to go. The film occupies a middle-ground between an early 1980s action film with a bit of a Dirty Harry vibe coming from its detatched-yet-heroically minded central character, and the over-the-top crazy comic-book-action rampage... and more than once is swings to one extreme or the other. The end result is a film that's mildly frustrating to watch, because it ends up being neither fish nor fowl. It's got action and plenty of it, but it's so inconsistent in its tone that it's hard to sit back and enjoy it.

And this is a shame, because Jason Statham plays a very good Bean Bandit... sorry, Frank Martin. If the vehicle had been just a little more soundly constructed, he could have taken us for a spectacular ride instead of a merely okay one.


Transporter 2 (2005)
Starring: Jason Statham, Katie Nauta, and Allesandro Gassman
Director: Louis Leterrier
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

Frank Martin, a worldclass driver and killer (Statham), is hired to chauffeur and protect the son of a high-placed US government official. The boy is kidnapped, but that's only a prelude to a far more devious and far-reaching plot that only Frank (and a whole lot bullets and fancy driving) can stop.


When I saw the original "Transporter," I viewed it as an unauthorized movie based on the Bean Bandit character from the "Gunsmith Cats" graphic novel series. Its only real flaw was that its creators couldn't make up their minds whether they were making a serious, down-to-earth crime drama with fast cars, or an over-the-top comic-booky action film.

With "Transporter 2," the filmmakers came to a decision, and we are treated to one outrageous, thrilling, and waaaay over-the-top action sequence after another. What's more, the plot is clever and complicated enough that it keeps delivering unexpected twists almost up to the very end. (This is another step up from the first film, I suppose... the plot there was pretty straight-forward.)

Jason Statham is great as the always calm and coldblooded Frank, but, as someone once said, a hero is only as good as the villains he fights... and in "Transporter 2" Frank is up against some very nasty bad guys. The lead heavies are played by Allesandro Gassman (a druglord who puts every letter in EVIL) and Katie Nauta (a psychopathic sex-kitten who fires more bullets in 30 seconds than are fired in the entirety of most major wars), and they are both a joy to watch. The actors, the plot, and the action sequences all blend together seamlessly to make this a great movie experience.


So, why am I only giving it 8 Stars? Well, that is because there are two major flaws that made me sigh with irritation.

First, there is a pretty nifty scene where Frank uses a firehose to beat the living tar out of a bunch of gun-toting bad guys. It's a Jackie Chan sort of scene, although I suspect much of it is done with computer animation and clever editing rather than actual props. Unfortunately, the climax of the scene completely breaks continuity with the entire fight that proceeded.

Second, there is the final dispatching of Nauta's character. It's too easy and too coincidental for a character that has been built up the way she is during the film. I'm not spoiling anything by stating that she dies--if you've seen more than two of these kinds of movies, you know she's too evil to make it through the story alive--and it needs to be mentioned because that character's death is badly done both from a storytelling and a action movie staple perspective. There isn't even a touch of irony in the way she dies... it's just an "oops... she's dead" ending.

Nonetheless, I think this is a move worth seeing if you love over-the-top action films (doubly-so if you're a fan of "Gunsmith Cats".)


Transporter 3 (2008)
Starring: Jason Statham, Natalya Rudakova, Robert Knepper and François Berléand
Director: Olivier Megaton
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Professional driver Frank Martin (Statham) is a man with a reputation that he'll deliver anything to any place a road will take him and his souped-up Audi, so long as his clients accept a few simple conditions that Frank insists upon. However, when a would-be client won't abide by Frank's rules nor take no for an answer, Frank finds himself forced to drive a mysterious package and an equally mysterious and totally obnoxious young woman (Rudakova) across Europe toward an ever-shifting destination... and if he tries to abandon the job, he'll be blown to bits by an explosive bracelet he's been fitted with.


"Transporter 3" is a step below the wild comic book action of the film immediatetly preceeding it in the series... and even a step below the film that started it all.

I suspect the filmmakers thought they were being topical with a half-assed environmental theme and oh-so-global-community-relevant-and-respectful with the films villains. They are eeeeeeevil American industrialists who are using any means necessary to force a righteous and pure-hearted Ukrainian politician to let them turn his nation into a chemical dumping ground. The truth, however, is that I don't think I've seen an environmentally-themed action flick this stupid since Steven Seagal's "On Deadly Ground". At least this film never gets preachy.

It's also not particularly logical or even intelligent in the way it's executed. The bad guys have grabbed the daughter of the pure-hearted politician in order to force him to do their bidding and they somehow feel the need to move her across Europe using a guy who doesn't work for them. A stupid plan that is doomed to fail. Why even move her anywhere in the first place? And why do the eeeeeeevil industrialists insist on having their cargoships full of toxic waste unloaded in the Ukraine? Why not just let Somali pirates hijack them? Or just dump the waste in Somalia where no one will be able to oppose them? (Or some other equally corrupt and disorganized hell hole... the world is full of them.)

But being stupid isn't the worst aspect of this film; I can forgive a certain level of stupid in a movie series that's evolving into a small-scale James Bond-type deal. The worst aspect of this film is that it never gets really exciting. It features some nice car chases, some okay fight scenes where Frank opens many cans of whoop-ass on hapless mooks, and a couple of cool action set-pieces, but the material that exists between them is poorly written. Not even Frank is very interesting in this film.


This is one of those pictures where the cast is let down by a weak script and a less-than-talented director.

Statham plays his usual laconic I'd-as-soon-kick-your-ass-as-talk-to-you character, but the lines he does have lack punch and the fight scenes he is placed in are ineptly choreographed.

Natalya Rudakova has a different look to her than most actresses that appear in films like this, and I think she might be an okay performer... but it's hard to tell because her character was so annoying throughout the movie. I can't for the life of me understand how the romance that developed between her character, Valentina, and Frank was supposed to have come from. (I was further annoyed by her character's tendency to wear too much eyeshadow. One of the evil characters did it in "Transporter 2" and now we have the heroine doing it in "Transporter 3". Will this become a signature of the series?)

All the flaws present in "Transporter 3" make this a movie that all but the most hungry-for-an-action-film viewers can skip.

End of the Road for 'Black Cobra'

Black Cobra 3: The Manila Connection (1987)
Starring: Fred Williamson, Forry Smith, Debra Ward, and David Light
Director: Don Edwards
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Chicago police detective Robert Malone (Williamson) travels to the Philippines to work on a joint CIA/Interpol mission to recover or destroy a cache of stolen weapons and prevent a hi-tech blackmailer from exposing CIA operations around the world.


"Black Cobra 3" is an improvement over "Black Cobra 2", but it's not quite as good as the original in the series. Once again, the one thing that made Malone more than just another third-rate action hero has been left out... his pet cat. In fact, he's even less of a character here than he was in the previous installments of the series--here, he's simply a generic action hero who beats up or guns down scads of bad guys because duty to country and the son of an old army buddy calls. (Those are fine motivations, but a little bit of character flavor for Malone would have been nice.)

Speaking of the script, overall it's a little better than the two previous outings, but ultimately it ends up disappointing because it is so predictable. There's a mole in the CIA that's leaking every move Malone and his colleagues make to the bag guys, and there's only one possible suspect for who it might be. (Yeah, the writer makes a halfhearted attempt to spread the suspicion around, but it seems clear that no great degree of thought went into this script other than "how to get the characters from one fight to the next, and from the shoot-out to the exploding secret hideout?"

The fight scenes are as well photographed in this film as they were in the two previous films, and there seems to have been enough of a budget this time out to do some rehearsals and real choreography. The bigger budget is also evident in the many shoot-outs and explosions, not to mention the escape-by-helicopter during the film's climactic battle in the secret mountain hide-out of the villains. (The fact that Fred Williamson's acting seems better in this film than the previous outings may also be a result of a bigger budget; he's being paid enough to actually work instead of just showing up and running lines.)

One that that isn't better in this installment is the dubbing. Often, lip movements are noticeable different from what is heard on the soundtrack--even for the English-speaking actors who did their own dubbing like Williamson--and early in the film the attempt to match the dialogue to the lips is so badly done that it sounds like the voice actors either didn't understand the lines they were speaking, or they were being directed by a drunk Christopher Walken impersonator of limited talent. The random pauses in the middle of sentences, and the weird inflections make very simple exchanges tricky to follow.

"Black Cobra 3" is the end of a trilogy of action movies that teeter on the brink between mediocre and bad. The most remarkable thing about the series is that the main character, Malone, seemed to devolve into more of a generic action hero as the films progressed instead of grow. That's noteworthy, as most series characters tend to become more defined, not less.

Dirty cops must silence witness in '16 Blocks'

16 Blocks (2006)
Starring: Bruce Willis, Mos Def, and David Morse
Director: Richard Donner
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Broken-down, burned-out NYPD detective Jack Mosely (Willis) is given a simple assignment: Escort a prisoner, Eddie Bunker (Def), sixteen blocks from the police station holding-tank to the courthouse so he testify before a Grand Jury. The prisoner has to be there by 10am, because if he isn't, the Grand Jury is dismissed and the prosecutor's case will fall apart. But even in New York traffic, two hours to cover sixteen blocks should be easy, right? Well, not if the witness's testimony is going to expose police corruption reaching from the streets to highest pinnacle of power within the NYPD.


"16 Blocks" is, basically, a lesser version of the story told in the classic movie "The Gauntlet". Here, like in that film, a cop who is just marking time until retirement manages to summon up whatever spark first inspired him to join the police and do the right thing against ever-increasing odds; a major difference between the Eastwood character in "The Gauntlet" and Mosely is that he is aware that other cops are trying to kill his charge from the outset, and that this is what sparks his desire to overcome in the first place. Another difference is that while the witness in "The Gauntlet" was annoying, Sandra Locke's character at least had some likable qualities to her. There is nothing particularly likable about the character played by Mos Def in "16 Blocks"--not even his oft-stated dream to leave crime behind and become a baker, because it never once rings true--and his nonstop babbling and truly obnoxious voice becomes nerve-grating more than once. Finally, there is a difference in intensity... in "The Gauntlet", here's a sense of ever-increasing danger and pressure. That never occurs here... the film reaches a level a few minutes in and stays there, despite the many shoot-outs and close calls between Mosely and his pursuers.

Bruce Willis gives a great performance as a man who is way past his prime and in over his head; there are several times where his facial expressions say more than any lines of dialogue could. Unfortunately, his co-star, Def, is so annoying that I found myself wishing someone would shoot his character now. Willis also has the problem that he's in a movie that doesn't seem to go anywhere. There's a great build-up to the moment when assassins take a shot at Bunker, and it feels like the film will get even tenser when Mosely realizes that his old partner (Morse) and other detectives that seem to come to his aid are actually part of the plot to silence the witness... but instead the momentum seems to stall. The film coasts through the roughly one-and-three-quarter hours of real-time as Mosely struggles to deliver Bunker to the courthouse alive, eventually coming to a sputtering halt at its ending, whether the original one, or the "shocking" alternate ending included on the DVD release.

"16 Blocks" had a lot of potential, but it never really lives up to its promise; like its hero, it seems to be coasting, but unlike the hero, it never finds its "spark" or redemption. It is a film that any big time Bruce Willis fan should check out--he is quite good in it. The rest of us are probably better off picking up a copy of "The Gauntlet" if we haven't seen it yet.

'Black Cobra' is unoriginal, save for the cat

Black Cobra (1987)
Starring: Fred Williamson, Eva Grimaldi, Karl Landgren, Vassili Karis, and Maurice Poli
Director: Stelvio Massi
Rating: Five of Ten Stars
Tough-as-nails police detective Robert Malone (Williamson) must protect a beautiful fashion photographer from a gang of psychopaths after she takes a picture of their leader (Landgren) during one of their many murder sprees. But can even Malone succeed against a gang willing to kidnap a police chief's daughter to get get what they want?

"Black Cobra" is, for most of its running-time, a perfectly average low-budget action film mostly ripped off--oh, sorry... inspired--by the early "Dirty Harry" pictures. In fact, the Dirty Harry connection is so strong that the movie looks and feels like it dates from the 1970s (despite the fact it was made in the late 1980s) and Williamson delivers a speech that's a near verbitum copy of the famous "do you feel lucky?" speech from "Dirty Harry". So, if you're not too picky, this film will entertain with its not-terribly-original plot, setting, and characters. (Although, I think Robert Malone is probably the only movie tough guy who is cowed by his pet cat, a touch that I found to be one of the nicest elements of the film and probably the only bit of originality in it.)

On the other hand, the film really goes south in its last 15 or so minutes, so you're well-advised to stop the film after it copies the demise of Scorpio scene from "Dirty Harry", because you see a nonsensical return of a dead villian, one of the worst and completely illogical car chases ever put on film (how DID they get from an upscale restraunt into an abandoned string of warehouses?), and more proof than you'd ever want to see in a wide-release film that the filmmakers really had no idea how to bring things to a satisfactory close.


With so-so acting (Williamson was better even in "Fist of Fear, Touch of Death" than he is here), a script with everything except a tiny kitty-cat begged, borrowed and stolen from other films, and a pathetically executed ending, "Black Cobra" isn't a movie to go out of your way for; it barely rises to the Five Rating I'm giving it. But it's got enough well-handled cliches to be fun, and it would definately be a fine addition to any Bad Movie Night line-up.