'The Expendables' is a great action flick

The Expendables (2010)
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, David Zayas, Giselle Itie, Terry Crews, Randy Coutre, Mickey Rourke, and Charisma Carpenter
Director: Sylvester Stallone
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

An elite team of mercenaries (Li, Statham, Stallone) turn down a contract to overthrow the military dictator of a small South American nation (Zayas). They change their minds when when the drug-runners who are the power-behind-the-power (Austin and Roberts) abduct the dictator's kindhearted daughter (Itie), and they set out to overthrow a government and kill every bad guy they come across--free of charge.


Forget the race-baiting self-consciously referential "Machete" that's coming out later this year. This is the film that captures the real mood and spirit of everything that was great about the explosion-laden action movies of yesteryear, without any posturing, preaching, or pandering.

Like "Predators" from earlier this summer, "The Expendables" is a throw-back movie that succeeds at what it sets out to do--to evoke the feeling of a 1980s action flick and to the movie days when men were men and every day brought another suicide mission. It does this with all the fight scenes, gunplay, car chases, and macho banter than even the most discriminating fan would want. It also does so by reviving a common 1980s villain (the corrupt CIA operative whose gone into the drug trade), by providing us lead characters who can be chivalrous when damsels are in distress, completely coldhearted and unforgiving to those who put them there, and forgiving to their friends even when they betray them.

In "The Expendables," Sylvester Stallone gathered such an array of stars--several of whom have cameos, such as Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger--that I was afraid the film would collapse under the weight of egoes vying for screentime and recognition. Thankfully, I was wrong.

Stallone, who is also the co-writer and director of the flick, retains complete control of the straight-forward action narrative in the film, with every character and actor portraying it, playing their part in the story with no allowance for star-status, past or present. It goes without saying that three of the biggest stars appearing in the film--Stallone, Statham, and Li--also get the most screen time, but the rest of the almost equally famous cast play their parts without any particular acknowledgement beyond what any other actor might get. The only exception to this is the scene featuring Willis and Schwarzenegger. While it is needed for the plot, its execution feels a little forced, with the dialogue between Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger being just a little too cute and too aware that it's an exchange among movie super-stars and one-time box office rivals.


Aside from that one minor misstep, Stallone keeps the film centered around Barney Ross (played by Stallone himself) and his friend and main partner Lee Christmas (played by Statham), men of violence who nonetheless hold to a strong code of honor and chivalry that they expect everyone who works with them to obey as well. This is established in the film's first scene, and it is carried throughout, as Ross and Lee's honorable natures are ultimately the motivating factor behind every event of the film. They are a pair of cool unapologetic tough guys with the sort of strong moral center that one wishes all such tough guys had both in fiction and reality.

Technically, this is is also an excellent film. It's well-written (aside from the aforementioned scene between between Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger), expertly paced and edited, with every action scene being lean, mean, and exactly what is called for in order to get maximum impact. The only drawback is that this film makes the mistake that so many other action films have done of late--they use computer graphics to add blood spatter and gore to scenes. Unfortunately, it's no less obvious and fake-looking here than it was in the low-budget films that originated the practice, nor any better looking than in the other big-budget film I've recently seen that made use of the unfortunate practice ("MacGruber"). It's a shame really, because those obviously fake bits of CGI were very distracting during the otherwise exciting and fun climactic orgy of explosions, death, and mayhem.

'Get Smart' is a great update of classic show

Get Smart (2008)
Starring: Steve Carrel, Anne Hathaway, Alan Arkin, Dwayne Johnson, Terence Stamp, Ken Davitian, and Dalip Singh
Director: Steven Segal
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When the international crime syndicate and freelance spy-ring KAOS gains a complete roster of field agents working for the most secret branch of the United States intelligence services, CONTROL, the Chief (Arkin) promotes eager-beaver analyst Maxwell Smart (Carrel) to field agent. Together with the only other agent not compromised by KAOS, Agent 99 (Hathaway), he sets out to discover what notoriouls KOAS agent Seigfried (Stamp) intends to do with stolen radioactive materials.


When "Get Smart" was released in 2008, it got bad reviews. As with several other comedies from around that time--"Balls of Fury" and "Nacho Libre" spring to mind immediately--the bad reviews were more a reflection of critical cluelessness than any probems with the movie itself. Too many movie critics had their heads too far up their asses to see that this film provided a fun update of the 1960s spy spoof that modernizes the characters and conflicts without feeling the need to denigrate and mock the original show (as was done in movies like "Starsky and Hutch"), or all but ignore the original show, except for a little lip service (as was done with the "Mission: Impossible" movies). This film takes all that was good about the TV series, even to the point where some of the spirit can stil be felt, and delivers it in a package that both those who love the old show and those who have never even heard of it can enjoy.

While I will grant the criticsm that the movie never gets quite as crazy as the TV show could be at its finest, and that only a few of the dialogue exchanges approach Mel Brooks and Buck Henry level writing (like the "if you were CONTROL you'd be dead" scene between Maxwell Smart and Seigfried, as featured in one of the previews), but the movie would have been a miserable failure if it had aped the old show. There is only one Mel Brooks and whenever writers try to copy him, they always fail spectacularly.

The actors portraying the various familiar characters are not attempting mimic those who have come before. Like Roger Moore didn't do a Sean Connery impersonation when he took over as James Bond, nor does Steve Carell do Don Adams when he plays Maxwell Smart. The character is obviously the same character, but the Carell gives his own spin on him. The same is true of Anne Hathaway as Agent 99 and Alan Arkin as The Chief. The characters are recreated, but still recognizable.

Another very smart move done by the film's creators (particularly score composer Trevor Rabin) was to retain the old "Get Smart" theme and weave it throughout the soundtrack music. They were smart to enough to recognize that the "Get Smart" theme by Irving Szathmary is one of the best pieces of television music ever written and that a "Get Smart" update wouldn't be complete without it. Just like the actors took the characters and reinvented them, so did Trevor Rabin take the spy music second only in fame to the "James Bond Theme" and make it his with a number of playful and thrilling variations as the movie unfolds. (The soundtrack music is available from Amazon.com, and the disc contains several more of Rabin's variations on the theme that don't appear in the film but which are very creative and worthwhile. Even if you don't see the movie, the soundtrack is worth owning, because this fun music stands just fine on its own.

From the first teaser ad for the "Get Smart" film, I was looking forward to seeing it. As longer previews appeared, I started getting concerned that it was going to be another adaptation/update that was going to be intended more as an excersize in mocking the original show, or too mean-spirited to really capture the "Get Smart" feel. Thankfully, my fears were unfounded, and the film turned out to be a fun, breezy upate of the classic TV show... a laugh- and action-filled spy spoof that's well worth seeing. (It may not be perfect--there are a couple of instances I found myself thinking, "Waitaminnit... why isn't Smart reacting to that comment?" and "Why did the leap to THAT conclusion?"-- but the flaws are few and minor.)

A sidekick gets promoted to lead hero....

Inspector Lewis (2006)
Starring: Kevin Whately, Laurence Fox, Clare Holman, Charlie Cox, Jemma Redgrave, Lizzy McInnerny, Jack Ellis and Rebecca Front
Director: Bill Anderson
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

Robbie Lewis (Whately), one-time sidekick to the famed Inspector Morse, has been promoted to Inspector himself and returns to Oxford after a long absense. Still in emotional pain from the sudden death of his beloved wife, Lewis finds himself involved in a murder case that brings back even more painful memories as it is related to a case that Morse once worked on.


"Inspector Lewis" was the pilot episode for a sequel series to the popular British television series "Inspector Morse". It is a sold start for a respectable follow-on to a classic, even if Kevin Whatley really is better suited to play a second-banana character than being the one who carries the show.

Fans of "Inspector Morse"--and good detective stories in general--will enjoy this movie and the television episdoes that follow it. Despite that, some might, like me, be a little peturbed with the killing-off of Lewis' wife. I think it would have been a nice change of pace to have a lead detective on one of these shows who actually has a solid homelife and who is completely devoted to and deeply in love with his or her spouse.

End of the Road for 'Black Cobra'

Black Cobra 3: The Manila Connection (1987)
Starring: Fred Williamson, Forry Smith, Debra Ward, and David Light
Director: Don Edwards
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Chicago police detective Robert Malone (Williamson) travels to the Philippines to work on a joint CIA/Interpol mission to recover or destroy a cache of stolen weapons and prevent a hi-tech blackmailer from exposing CIA operations around the world.


"Black Cobra 3" is an improvement over "Black Cobra 2", but it's not quite as good as the original in the series. Once again, the one thing that made Malone more than just another third-rate action hero has been left out... his pet cat. In fact, he's even less of a character here than he was in the previous installments of the series--here, he's simply a generic action hero who beats up or guns down scads of bad guys because duty to country and the son of an old army buddy calls. (Those are fine motivations, but a little bit of character flavor for Malone would have been nice.)

Speaking of the script, overall it's a little better than the two previous outings, but ultimately it ends up disappointing because it is so predictable. There's a mole in the CIA that's leaking every move Malone and his colleagues make to the bag guys, and there's only one possible suspect for who it might be. (Yeah, the writer makes a halfhearted attempt to spread the suspicion around, but it seems clear that no great degree of thought went into this script other than "how to get the characters from one fight to the next, and from the shoot-out to the exploding secret hideout?"

The fight scenes are as well photographed in this film as they were in the two previous films, and there seems to have been enough of a budget this time out to do some rehearsals and real choreography. The bigger budget is also evident in the many shoot-outs and explosions, not to mention the escape-by-helicopter during the film's climactic battle in the secret mountain hide-out of the villains. (The fact that Fred Williamson's acting seems better in this film than the previous outings may also be a result of a bigger budget; he's being paid enough to actually work instead of just showing up and running lines.)

One that that isn't better in this installment is the dubbing. Often, lip movements are noticeable different from what is heard on the soundtrack--even for the English-speaking actors who did their own dubbing like Williamson--and early in the film the attempt to match the dialogue to the lips is so badly done that it sounds like the voice actors either didn't understand the lines they were speaking, or they were being directed by a drunk Christopher Walken impersonator of limited talent. The random pauses in the middle of sentences, and the weird inflections make very simple exchanges tricky to follow.

"Black Cobra 3" is the end of a trilogy of action movies that teeter on the brink between mediocre and bad. The most remarkable thing about the series is that the main character, Malone, seemed to devolve into more of a generic action hero as the films progressed instead of grow. That's noteworthy, as most series characters tend to become more defined, not less.

Dirty cops must silence witness in '16 Blocks'

16 Blocks (2006)
Starring: Bruce Willis, Mos Def, and David Morse
Director: Richard Donner
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Broken-down, burned-out NYPD detective Jack Mosely (Willis) is given a simple assignment: Escort a prisoner, Eddie Bunker (Def), sixteen blocks from the police station holding-tank to the courthouse so he testify before a Grand Jury. The prisoner has to be there by 10am, because if he isn't, the Grand Jury is dismissed and the prosecutor's case will fall apart. But even in New York traffic, two hours to cover sixteen blocks should be easy, right? Well, not if the witness's testimony is going to expose police corruption reaching from the streets to highest pinnacle of power within the NYPD.


"16 Blocks" is, basically, a lesser version of the story told in the classic movie "The Gauntlet". Here, like in that film, a cop who is just marking time until retirement manages to summon up whatever spark first inspired him to join the police and do the right thing against ever-increasing odds; a major difference between the Eastwood character in "The Gauntlet" and Mosely is that he is aware that other cops are trying to kill his charge from the outset, and that this is what sparks his desire to overcome in the first place. Another difference is that while the witness in "The Gauntlet" was annoying, Sandra Locke's character at least had some likable qualities to her. There is nothing particularly likable about the character played by Mos Def in "16 Blocks"--not even his oft-stated dream to leave crime behind and become a baker, because it never once rings true--and his nonstop babbling and truly obnoxious voice becomes nerve-grating more than once. Finally, there is a difference in intensity... in "The Gauntlet", here's a sense of ever-increasing danger and pressure. That never occurs here... the film reaches a level a few minutes in and stays there, despite the many shoot-outs and close calls between Mosely and his pursuers.

Bruce Willis gives a great performance as a man who is way past his prime and in over his head; there are several times where his facial expressions say more than any lines of dialogue could. Unfortunately, his co-star, Def, is so annoying that I found myself wishing someone would shoot his character now. Willis also has the problem that he's in a movie that doesn't seem to go anywhere. There's a great build-up to the moment when assassins take a shot at Bunker, and it feels like the film will get even tenser when Mosely realizes that his old partner (Morse) and other detectives that seem to come to his aid are actually part of the plot to silence the witness... but instead the momentum seems to stall. The film coasts through the roughly one-and-three-quarter hours of real-time as Mosely struggles to deliver Bunker to the courthouse alive, eventually coming to a sputtering halt at its ending, whether the original one, or the "shocking" alternate ending included on the DVD release.

"16 Blocks" had a lot of potential, but it never really lives up to its promise; like its hero, it seems to be coasting, but unlike the hero, it never finds its "spark" or redemption. It is a film that any big time Bruce Willis fan should check out--he is quite good in it. The rest of us are probably better off picking up a copy of "The Gauntlet" if we haven't seen it yet.

'The Big Bounce' falls flat

The Big Bounce (2003)
Starring: Owen Wilson, Morgan Freeman, and Sara Foster
Director: George Armitage
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

When small-time thief and grifter Jack Ryan (Wilson) is given a handyman job and an opportunity to go straight by an eccentric Hawaiian judge (Freeman), the path to the straight-and-narrow is obstructed by a willowy sexpot (Foster) who has a full-proof plan to rob the local crime boss. As might be expected, there's no such thing as a perfect plan... at least not when everyone in the picture is a thief and con-artist.


"The Big Bounce" is a run-of-the-mill caper comedy that might have been something special if the twists and turns of the plot hadn't either been so trite that they weren't twists but instead completely predictable, or so badly set up that the viewer is more irritated than surprised when they happen. The film isn't helped by the collection of two-dimensional stock characters that populate it, nor the too slow pace, or the fact that the comedic elements are so worn they're threadbare.

The actors all put on as good performances as can be expected--and watching Foster prance back and forth across the screen in next to nothing is certainly enjoyable--but the awfulness of the script couldn't be overcome.

Magnificent Warriors kick Imperial Jap ass

It's exactly 65 years this month since the United States of America dropped two atom bombs on Japan to bring us victory in World War II's Pacific Theater. This review is one of several posts I'm making to mark that occasion.

Magnificent Warriors (aka "Dynamite Fighters") (1987)
Starring: Michele Yeoh, Tung-Shing Yee, and Richard Ng
Director: David Chung
Steve's Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

Michele Yeoh stars as a confident, self-reliant bush pilot who is cashing in on the resistence to the Japanese invaders in 1930s China. The plot really gets going when she is recruited to assist a spy deep within Japanese held land and ends up becoming embroiled in the resistance efforts whole-hog when her Chinese patriotism can't allow her to stand by and let a city of innocent people be gassed to death by the nefarious Japanese Imperial Army.


The film features excellent cinematography, fine performances by all actors, and well-choreographed martial arts sequences. There were some silly sound effects related to those fight scenes, but that's to be expected in an older film like this one.

The only dissapointment I felt was that I would have liked to see some of the plot and characterzation touches explained a bit more. (For example, was the drifter related to our heroine or not?)

This was one of Michele Yeoh's very first films--and she looks VERY young in it!--and the DVD version contains a really interesting interview with her about its making.

'Black Cobra 2' is worse than the original

Black Cobra 2 (1988)
Starring: Fred Williamson, Nicholas Hammond, and Emma Hoagland
Director: Stelvio Massi
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Police Lt. Robert Malone (Williamson) is sent to the Philippines to study Interpol techniques after blowing away one hostage-taking drug dealer too many. Always a trouble magnet, Malone and his new Interpol partner, Inspector Kevin McCoal (Hammond), soon find themselves up against a shadowy group of violent Middle Eastern terrorists who are pursuing the beautiful daughter of a small-time thief, Peggy Mallory (Hoagland), for unknown reasons. Before you can say "Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em!" there's gunfire, explosions, silly plottwists and 350 kids held hostage in a building that's rigged to explode... and only Malone and McCoal can save the day!


A fellow movie-lover whose taste is usually to be relied upon told me that each "Black Cobra" film is better than the one than the one before. Well, this is one instance where she was wrong.
"Black Cobra 2" is NOT better than the movie it's a sequel to. While star Fred Williamson is a little less wooden in his second outing as no-nonsense action cop Robert Malone (who gets referred to as "Bob" by the love interest in one of the many sour notes in this film... I'm sorry, but this character is NOT a "Bob." Not even his mother would call him "Bob"), and there is a single very unexpected plot development as the film enters its third act, just about everything else about this movie is so laughably bad that it makes the only other "odd-couple buddy cop" picture I can think of that's on this low level of quality, "The Glimmer Man", look like "Lethal Weapon". Plus, they got rid of the one thing that made Malone a neat character in the original "Black Cobra"--that little cat of his.


From the lamely done chase scene that opens the film to the climactic hostage rescue that closes it, the film's extremely low budget is painfully evident. Further, while the director and his cinematographers are clearly experienced hands at filming martial arts sequences, there's no hiding that catches up with the best of us (like, oh, Fred Williamson) and that more rehearsal time than I'm sure the budget would allow was needed to make the hand-to-hand fight scenes look natural.

And then there's the dialogue. I don't think I've EVER seen so much purple prose in a single movie. The love interest Peggy Mallory was being so over-the-top sappy every time she brought up her father that if I'd been Malone or McCoal, I would have arrested her for the murder of her father; no one talks the way she talks, unless they're being deeply sarcastic. (An extension of the dialogue problem is the voice actors that were used in the badly synched dubbing of the non-English--and even some of the English--speaking actors. Some of them are as bad as the lines they were reading, particularly the woman who was doing Inspector McCoal's young son. It was rather creepy to hear what was obviously an adult woman's voice coming from the mouth of a 7-year-old. Someone get that kid an exorcist!)

To perfect the overall horribleness of the film, there is the fact that there is NO chemistry between any of the actors appearing on screen. While none of the leads are particularly terrible, there's no real sense of connection between any of the characters and there's no reason for the audience to believe that any sort of feelings develop between any of them, other than perhaps mild annoyance. Each character is okay if taken as a 1980s action film stereotype, but when they are put together, they don't work, because the actors aren't connecting.

With a badly written script that overreaches the film's meager budget and a cast of stars that have no shared on-screen chemistry, "Black Cobra 2" has little to recommend it, except as a possible inclusion for a Bad Movie Night--but only after you've already tapped Steven Seagal's offerings. There are a couple of surprising moments in the film--which I can't talk about without spoiling the plot, but one earns the film an additional point on the scale all by itself--but they aren't enough to make this movie worth seeking out.

'A Shot in the Dark' is best Pink Panther film

A Shot in the Dark (1964)
Starring: Peter Sellars, Elke Sommer, George Sanders, Herbert Lom, and Burt Kwouk
Director: Blake Edwards
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When a murder takes place at the home of the rich and powerful Mr. Ballon (Sanders), the worst police detective in France, Inspector Clouseau (Sellars), is accidentally assigned to the case. He immediately ignores the most obvious suspect--the beautiful, curvecious blonde maid Marie (Sommer), who was found with the murder weapon in her hand--and continues to let his hormones guide him instead of the clues even as more bodies pile up around her.


"A Shot in the Dark" is the second movie in the "Pink Panther" series, but the first film where the formula, supporting cast, and wild slapstick antics of Sellers' Clouseau character that will become the hallmark of the series are fully present. Although often overlooked by fans of the "Pink Panther" series due to the unusual title, " it is also the very best of the entries.

Sellers is amazingly hilarious as Clouseau, and the routines he performs here are among the funniest of the entire series--only the battles between Clouseau and his overzealous man-servant and martial arts sparring partner Kato will leave viewers in stitches. The film is made all the more amusing by the fact that it not only serves as an outlet for Sellers' antics, but that is also works as a spoof of the traditional murder mystery, complete with a screwball "drawing room revelation" scene).

Typically when reviewing this film, one cites the billiards scene or the nudist colony scene (both of which are top-notch examples of Sellers' comic genius), but my favorite part of the entire movie remains the opening sequence, where we view the outside of a large house, and through the windows see a host of characters sneaking from room to room (and from bed to bed), turning the lights on and off... until we hear gunfire and the screen goes black.

This opening is both funny and engaging, and it is one of the best title sequences of any movie I've seen. The Henry Mancini-penned song "Shadows of Paris" underscores its the mood perfectly, particularly in the light of what follows.

This is a film that lovers of well-made comedies and spoofs should get lots of kicks out of.

'The Hollywood Sign' needed to be repaired

The Hollywood Sign (2001)
Starring: Tom Berenger, Burt Reynolds, Rod Steiger, and Jacqueline Kim
Director: Sonke Wortmann
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Three down-and-out former Hollywood leading men (Berenger, Reynolds, and Steiger) stumble into the middle of a Las Vegas casino robbery that's in the planning stages. They decide that if they can't make a comeback in movies, they'll retire on ill-gotten loot, and they force their way into the robbery scheme. Can three well-cured hams outwit hardened criminals and live to tell the tale?


"The Hollywood Sign" features top-notch talent all giving fine performances--with Reynolds in particular putting on a good show--but there are some severe problems with the script that makes this movie go south in the final act. I can't really say what those problems are without spoiling a shocking moment in the film. I'm also not certain if others will have the same reaction to the twist-ending to this film that I has; I rolled my eyes and had to struggle to not reach for the DVD remote, as it coincidentally was the second film I've watched this month that featured such a twist. Admittedly, "The Hollywood Sign" was superior in every conceivable way to that other film--which was so wretched I probably won't even bother posting about it--but I still think the ending was lame. (I can see how the writers might think it was clever, though. It solves a story problem that was brought up at the very beginning of the film and that was echoed a couple times during it.)

This film is worth seeing if you enjoy Reynolds or Steiger as actors, or if you love movies featuring Hollywood insider plot elements. Otherwise, this is a film to pass on.

Dirty Harry investigates murders of crooks

Magnum Force (1974)
Starring: Clint Eastwood, Hal Holbrook, and David Soul
Director: Ted Post
Rating: Six of Ten

When San Francisco's biggest crime figures fall victim to a series of execution-style hits, homicide detective Harry Callahan (Eastwood) first believes that someone must be impersonating police officers to get as close to the victims as they are, but his boss, Lt. Briggs (Holbrook) is convinced that the murders the result of a typical gangster power-struggle. As Callahan investigates, he uncovers a frightening possiblity--that maybe the "fake cop" is a real cop, and that a secret death squad exists within the SFPD.


"Magnum Force" is a somewhat dissapointing follow-up to "Dirty Harry",and it's possibly the weakest of the series. The movie seems to drag on and on, in part due to some exceptionally dull cinematagraphy, and a lack of story focus until the third act, and a near-total lack of humor throughout. (The exception being an encounter totally unrelated to the rest of the movie, except to establish Harry's renegade ways, when Harry prevents a plane from bing hijacked,)

The film is still superior to most cop dramas out there--mostly thanks to its great cast--but it's a weak link in the "Dirty Harry" cycle.

'Black Cobra' is unoriginal, save for the cat

Black Cobra (1987)
Starring: Fred Williamson, Eva Grimaldi, Karl Landgren, Vassili Karis, and Maurice Poli
Director: Stelvio Massi
Rating: Five of Ten Stars
Tough-as-nails police detective Robert Malone (Williamson) must protect a beautiful fashion photographer from a gang of psychopaths after she takes a picture of their leader (Landgren) during one of their many murder sprees. But can even Malone succeed against a gang willing to kidnap a police chief's daughter to get get what they want?

"Black Cobra" is, for most of its running-time, a perfectly average low-budget action film mostly ripped off--oh, sorry... inspired--by the early "Dirty Harry" pictures. In fact, the Dirty Harry connection is so strong that the movie looks and feels like it dates from the 1970s (despite the fact it was made in the late 1980s) and Williamson delivers a speech that's a near verbitum copy of the famous "do you feel lucky?" speech from "Dirty Harry". So, if you're not too picky, this film will entertain with its not-terribly-original plot, setting, and characters. (Although, I think Robert Malone is probably the only movie tough guy who is cowed by his pet cat, a touch that I found to be one of the nicest elements of the film and probably the only bit of originality in it.)

On the other hand, the film really goes south in its last 15 or so minutes, so you're well-advised to stop the film after it copies the demise of Scorpio scene from "Dirty Harry", because you see a nonsensical return of a dead villian, one of the worst and completely illogical car chases ever put on film (how DID they get from an upscale restraunt into an abandoned string of warehouses?), and more proof than you'd ever want to see in a wide-release film that the filmmakers really had no idea how to bring things to a satisfactory close.


With so-so acting (Williamson was better even in "Fist of Fear, Touch of Death" than he is here), a script with everything except a tiny kitty-cat begged, borrowed and stolen from other films, and a pathetically executed ending, "Black Cobra" isn't a movie to go out of your way for; it barely rises to the Five Rating I'm giving it. But it's got enough well-handled cliches to be fun, and it would definately be a fine addition to any Bad Movie Night line-up.

'Thunderbolt' is a darker effort for Chan

Thunderbolt (1996)
Starring: Jackie Chan, Anita Yuen, and Thorsten Nickel
Director: Gordon Chan
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When mechanic and race-car dirver Foh (Chan) crosses a street-racer who also happens to be an enforcer for a major international crime syndicate (Nickel), his world is torn apart, and he finds himself forced to race for the life of his young sister.


"Thunderbolt" is another fine action flick from Jackie Chan, with lots of action, drama, and fabulously staged fight scenes. The film is darker and more intense than most of his movies--the violence is more realistic and obviously deadly, and the villains are unredeemingly and savagely evil.

In fact, the grimmer tone of the film causes an otherwise fairly typical Jackie Chan bizarro fight location--on banners/trampolines extended over a Pachinko arcade in a Japanese city--to seem out of place and distracting. It's almost as if they forgot this film is markedly different from the likes of "Miracles" and "Police Story". Despite the one major misstep, I think there can be little argument that "Thunderbolt" ranks among Chan's best films. Fans may be a little shocked by the film's intensity, however. (The crane scene in the wrecking yard and its outcome was certainly not one I'd expected in a Jackie Chan movie!)

"Thunderbolt" is currently out of print, but it can be had used, or can be downloaded directly to your PC or Tivo through Amazon.com.

'The Wrong Guy' is the right viewing choice

The Wrong Guy (1997)
Starring: Dave Foley, Jennifer Tilly, Colm Feore, and David Anthony Higgins
Director: David Steinberg
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

After being passed over for promotion and publicly threatening to kill his boss, dimwitted corporate executive Nelson Hibbert (Foley) finds his boss murdered. Convinced that no one will believe he is innocent, Nelson goes on the run. He accidentally (and completely unknowingly) stumbles upon the real killer (Feore) and repeatedly leads the police to him as he tries to escape. While a fugitive from no-one, Nelson finds true love in the arms of a simple country banker's daughter (Tilly)... just as the real murderer decides it's time to get rid of his dogged pursuer.


"The Wrong Guy" is an undeservedly obscure comedy that spoofs "The Fugitive"-style crime thrillers in general and a recurring element in Alfred Hitchcock thrillers in particular--"the wrong man"/"wrongfully accused"--with Dave Foley portraying perhaps the most oblivious, hapless figure to ever flee the scene of a crime. Even moreso than the classic sitcom "News Radio" this movie shows what a great shame it is that Foley isn't a bigger star than he is.

Of course, it helps that Foley is working with a very funny and very well-written script that derives most of its humor from the fact that just about every character in the story is a complete moron. However, in addition to slapstick and lots of dumb humor, the film includes many well-executed spoofs of standard elements in thrillers, such as its climax atop the Statue of Liberty head. This cleverly constructed sequence is so well done that the audience becomes wrapped up in the excitement of a standard thriller set-piece, only to have the tension dissolve with laughter a split-second later as we're reminded that the final showdown is taking place on a mini-golf course.

Foley is supported by a great cast, with Colm Foere as the coldblooded professional hit man and Jennifer Tilly as a cute country girl with an unfortunate illness that manifests itself at the most inopportune (and funniest) moments. Tilly is a welcome presence in anything she does, but her quirky looks, unique voice, and offcenter character makes her the perfect on-screen companion for Foley's equally cute and quirky Nelson Hibbard. When the inevitable love plot appears, it's a perfect couple that the audience is instantly rooting for. I hope that Foley and Tilly will appear on-screen together again, because they are excellent together. "The Wrong Guy" is a great comedy that deserves more recognition than it has gotten.

Idiots make poor (if realistic) criminals

Welcome to Collinwood (2002)
Starring: Isaiah Washington, William H. Macy, and Sam Rockwell
Directors: Anthony and Joe Russo
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Four down-and-out small-time thieves and hoods get their hands on a fool-proof heist plan. It's not exactly a "job of the century," but these are yutzes who think small, and who rarely have more than two pennies to run together, so the contents of a pawnbroker's safe is the take of a lifetime to them. Unfortunately, none of this little gang have two braincells to rub together either.


"Welcome to Collinwood" is populated with characters so pathetic that the viewer can't help but feel sorry for them. One also can't help but root for them to succeed in their sad little heist, although it is also certain that they're going to fail, because they're all so damn dumb. But they're not dumb in a screwball comedy kind of way... they're dumb in the way that real-life crooks are dumb. Where the characters of "Welcome to Collinwood" part with their realworld counterparts is that the would-be master-theives are, basically good and kindhearted; some of them are just too lazy for real work, while others are professional small-time crooks who are in dire straights. In the end, they turn out to fundamentally be decent, if thoroughly stupid, people.

I'm not 100% certain what kind of story the filmmakers wanted to tell with this movie, and I'm not sure they were either. If there had been a little more of a point to the film (other than "idiots make lousy criminals" as the film's tagline says), this might have been a Six-Star movie. I did enjoy watching it, I just wished there had been a little more to the film.

July 31 is Elke Sommer Day!

I am declaring July 31 "Elke Sommer Day"!

Why? Well, for no reason other than I'm going to be posting reviews of a few of her movies, and she's going to be that week's "Saturday Scream Queen" at Terror Titans. Plus, anyone who filled a bikini like she did SHOULD to have a day named after them!

If there is anyone else out there who would like to post something for Elke Sommer Day, I will be happy to link to it from a post at Cinema Steve! She has made over 100 movies, in just about every genre, so there are plenty of things to write about and/or review! (If you want to send me links to older pieces you have written, I can spotlight those, too. I can even host your articles on one of my blogs, if you like. Email me your links or submissions to stevemillermail@gmail.com.)

At any rate, several of my review blogs on July 31 will be bright and Sommer-y. Please come by for a look!