Steven Seagal is... the REAL Iron Chef!

Under Seige (1992)
Starring: Steven Seagal, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey, Colm Meany, and Erika Eleniak
Director: Andrew Davis
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When a US Navy battleship and its nuclear weapons are stolen by terrorists and their ex-CIA leader (Jones), only former Navy SEAL Casey Ryback turned ships' cook (Seagal) to stop them and save the day.


"Under Seige" is a film that I love--and which many cite as Seagal's very best--but the "world's deadliest, crankiest cook" character that he plays here makes me smile every time I consider it.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, because it's played up as a gag in the film, too. All-in-all, this film has a lighter touch than most Seagal movies, even if the action is fast and furious, the violence brutal, and the stakes very high--Ryback is up against crazy people with nukes at their disposal.

"Under Seige" is a fun action film with a clever script, good fight scenes, and appropriately dastardly villains. Tommy Lee Jones is particularly great fun to watch, and he and Seagal have a nice interplay in what scenes they have together.

As many jokes as this film gives rise to, it is one that fans of action movies owe it to themselves to see. It's an excellent film and everyone involved with it was at the top of their game.

'Last Action Hero' shatters the fourth wall

Last Action Hero (1993)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charles Dance and Austin O'Brien
Director: John McTiernan
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

A young movie fan (O'Brien) crosses over into his favorite movie universe--the non-stop action world of hardboiled cop Jack Slater (Schwarzenegger)--with an enchanted movie ticket. That's all well and good, but when the ultimate evil criminal mastermind of that world, Benedict (Dance) gets hold of the ticket and leaves his film reality for the Real World, real tragedies may unfold.


This movie is unfairly maligned, I think, because it's actually a far deeper film than critics and rank-and-file movie goers give it credit for.

It might be because I'm a writer, but this rates high among my favorite movies of all time--not quite in the Top Ten, bt almost. I love it, because it says alot about the creative process when it shows the film universe through the eyes of the visitor: Everything that was going trhough the writer's head while he was working on the script is included in the world--including talking ducks and other weirdness that never makes it into even the first draft--while commonplace things that every real person must have aren't even present, such as the furniture in Jack Slater's apartment. There is none there, because Slater never goes there in the stories, so the writer never thought about what it contained.

The film's commentary on the life of fictional characters and how casually we writers abuse them also spoke to me, such as when Slater learns that nothing in his world is "real" and then wants to know why anyone would invent a tale so horrible as having him powerless to stop the murder of his own young son... particularly when it's just for the entertainment of others.

There is also one aspect of criticism I hear of this film that indicates that most viewers and critics don't even get the surface of the thing. The Jack Slater Universe the fan crosses into isn't supposed to be a recreation of "Lethal Weapon." It's supposed to be a spoof of it and all action films of that type. I think it was great that Schwarzenegger was willing to lampoon himself and even the entire genre that his career was built on with this film. (And with my interpretation, some of the more outrageous aspects of the film world--such as the mob hit--may actually be like the talking duck... things that will never show up in any actually produced movie).

"Last Action Hero" is a movie that both critics and audiences don't seem to get, because they don't watch it with their brains engaged. Try taking a second look at it, but this time consider that maybe there's something to it that isn't on the marquee.

FBI uses movie dreams in 'The Last Shot'

The Last Shot (2004)
Starring: Matthew Broderick and Alec Baldwin
Director: Jeff Nathanson
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

A wanna-be screenwriter/director (Broderick) has all his dreams come true when a movie producer (Baldwin) offers him the movie deal of movie deals. However, the movie production is actually the central part of an elaborate sting operation against the east coast crime families.


"The Last Shot" is an interesting, if uneven and only sporadically funny comedy that is loosely based upon a real life FBI operation where an undercover agent mounted a film production in an attempt to catch mobsters associated with John Gotti. It's not a crime comedy, however, but merely uses the framework to poke fun at Hollywood stereotypes while ultimately delivering a message about how hopes and dreams enrich all our lives.

The film succeeds almost entirely due to the charisma of its two leads, as well as their acting abilities; they pair make an excellent on-screen pair and their presense is enough to get the viewers through the film's slow points. Baldwin has rarely been better than he is in this film, as the calculating undercover agent who finds himself becoming enamoured and inspired by a hapless losers dream of making movies.

This is not a must-see movie, but Broderick and Baldwin's performances, as well as Joan Cusack, Calista Flockhart, and Tony Shalhoub in small but hilarious supporting roles, make it a movie that's nonetheless worth checking out.

Sherlock Sunday: Terror By Night

Terror By Night (1946)
Starring: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Alan Mowbray and Dennis Hoey
Director: Roy William Neill
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When the diamond he was hired to protect is stolen and the son of its son is murdered right under the nose of Sherlock Holmes (Rathbone) and Inspector Lestrade (Hoey), as they travel by night train from London to Edinburgh. The great detective must solve a locked-room mystery and recover the diamond before the train reaches its destination to save both his reputation and that of Lestrade. To complicate matters even further, the nefarious Colonel Moran is on the train as well, possibly seeking revenge for Holmes causing the death of his associate, Professor Moriarty.


"Terror By Night" is a nice Holmes adventure that puts all the characters in a sealed environment with the killer and one that still manages to keep the mystery going strong up to the very end, even if there really is only one likely suspect from about halfway through the film (due to the way these things usually work out). However, it you're the kind of viewer like me who likes to play along in solving the case, the film is still entertaining once you've figured out the killer, there is still the question as to how he is going to get away with it.

Although briskly paced and well-acted, the film isn't perfect. I found myself wondering how the various villains on board the train were moving about unseen(something the film never did fully answer) and I further was unclear on why the second murder was committed, as it put Holmes on a direct path to solving the mystery. (Unless that was part of the master plan all along? Let Holmes get a victory that would facilitate his ultimate defeat? I'll have to watch the film again to see if maybe I missed something there.)

Nigel Bruce's Watson continues to be portrayed as just shy of a total idiot, although he has fewer opportunities to behave like a moron here, as he spends most of the film hanging out with an Army buddy who happens to be traveling on the train. Bruce is still the primary comic relief, but fewer jokes are at his character's expense than usual. Similarly, Holmes has fewer opportunities to mistreat Watson. One can actually believe they're friends in this picture.

"Terror By Night" is a fun, fast-paced Holmes adventure that shows why the Basil Rathbone films are celebrated by fans of classic mystery films and Holmes alike. It has nothing to do with the original Doyle tales, but it is a nice use of his characters.

'Day of the Wolves' is a great heist movie

Day of the Wolves (1973)
Starrng: Richard Egan, Jan Murray, Ric Jason, and John Lupton
Director: Ferde Grofé Jr.
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

A secretive criminal mastermind (Murray) brings together six violent bandits to rob every bank and payroll office in a small town simultaneously.


"Day of the Wolves" is the perfect example of how do to a low-budget action film or heist movie. It's got an economy of locations, a cast of competent actors working with a polished script under the guidance of a director and technical crew that understood how to get the most out of their limited budget. This is the kind of movie that makes some people nostalgic for the "grindhouse days" even while rolling their eyes at the shoddily made counterparts of today. "Day of the Wolves" may not be award-winning material, but the work of skilled artists is on display at every level in it.

(Yes, some of the beards worn by the movie's gang of armed robbers are plainly fake, but there has to be something to remind us of the film's shoestring budget in a more blatant fashion than the fact that all interior shots are probably some crew or cast member's home or office.)

If you like action movies--particularly if you if you want to see the original versions of what Quentin Tarantino copies with every movie he makes--or if you like well done heist movies, you definitely need to get your hands on a copy of "Day of the Wolves."

(I viewed it as part of the "Mean Guns" DVD collection. It's the odd man out in this collection--it takes place in Arizona, and it features a lone lawman (played by Richard Egan) facing off against heavily armed marauders while the townsfolk cower int their homes, but it's hardly a traditional western as it's set in the 1970s--but it's a movie that adds value to the set, and it's almost worth the purchase price by itself.)

To-do list unites strangers in 'Underworld'

Underworld (1997)
Starring; Denis Leary, Joe Mantegna, Annabella Sciorra and Larry Bishop
Director: Roger Christian
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Johnny Crown (Leary) is back on the streets after seven years in prison. Armed with a new name and a new outlook on life, he sets about tracking down everyone who had even the slightest involvement with the death of his gang-boss father. Along the way, he picks up the enigmatic Frank Gavilan (Mantegna), and, despite Gavilan's initial insistence that he doesn't know Johnny, their shared history--and shared destiny--is gradually revealed. Will Gavilan be added to the ever-growing number of dead bodies that Johnny is leaving in his wake, or does Gavilan fit somewhere else on Johnny's "Things To Do Tonight" list?


"Underworld" is a strange movie. The back cover on the DVD compares it to "Pulp Fiction" and "The Usual Suspects", but, aside from a never-ending stream of banter and fitting into the general category of a crime film, it resembles neither of those films. In fact, drawing that comparison does the movie a disservice... but given that Johnny Crown's name is misspelled on the back cover, I doubt the copywriter even cared enough to watch the entire movie.

This is a film that is ALMOST good... and although I am giving it a Six rating, it's on the verge of a being a Five. I think that another few passes on the script, or maybe some more work in the editing room, and it could have been a Seven or Eight. That same might also be true if the two main actors were capable of... well, more acting. I enjoy both Leary and Mantegna very much, but both are actors of limited range and neither really stretch themselves here.

Parts of the movie would have made more sense if it had been clearer sooner that Johnny and Frank really HAVE known each other since childhood; as things stand, a number of things seem very baffling, because Frank's assertion of not knowing who Johnny is seems genuine, while Johnny's continued talk about wanting to help Frank and being "the best friend ever" simply come across as so much insane, threatening chatter. (Mantegna being the rock-solid, always down-to-earth guy, and Leary always seeming like he's ready to snap and carve up a bus full of nuns with a knife.

The vagueness of Frank and Johnny's relationship is only part of what makes this film confusing to watch. There are a number of characters whose actions are so extreme that even rampant psychosis can't explain it; if the characters really were as crazy as they come across, they would have been dead long before they appeared on screen in the film. Some of it (like the going-ons at a nightclub called the Blue Danube) feels more like a parody of this sort of film noir/crime drama film than seems right for what surrounds it. Parts of the ending have the same sort of parody feel to them.

The one thing that runs through all of "Underworld" is a strange, dreamlike quality. The randomness with which things happen and the characters move from encounter to encounter, the bizarreness of how just about every character in the film behaves (even bedrock Joe Mantegna... because he's almost too calm and unemotional through everything), and the lack of apparent consequence to anything that happens... it all adds up to a film that has a very unreal quality about it. And that unreal quality ends up making the film worth watching, despite the unevenness in how it treats its subject matter.

I give this film a cautious recommendation. It's not a great movie, but it's worth seeing for the odd sense of dreaminess it manages to invoke throughout. I think it's worth seeing if you like crime dramas or quirky movies of any genre. (It's also worth it if you like Leary's standard schtick.)

As of this writing, "Underworld" is out of print both on DVD and VHS.

John Wayne fails to impress in 'Brannigan'

Brannigan (aka "Joe Battle") (1975)
Starring: John Wayne, Richard Attenborough, Judy Geeson, Mel Ferrer, John Vernon, and Daniel Pilon
Director: Douglas Hickox
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Lone-wolf Chicago police detective Jim Brannigan (Wayne) is sent to England to retrieve his bail-jumping arch-nemesis, mob boss Ben Larkin (Vernon) under an extradition agreement. However, on the very day Brannigan arrives in London, Larkin is kidnapped and held for ransom by a team of highly skilled professional criminals. Brannigan finds himself forced to not only work with detectives from Scotland Yard (Attenborough and Geeson), but also Larkin's slimy attorney (Ferrer) in order to secure the safe return of the criminal-turned-victim. Unfortunately, Brannigan is being stalked by a determined hitman (Pilon) that Larkin hired before being kidnapped, and someone within the ranks of either Scotland Yard or Larkin's gang is playing both sides.


"Brannigan" is a movie with a fabulous cast, witty dialogue, and a fairly decent concept at its heart. It's even a very somewhat clever caper story with the kidnapping and the plot and counter plots surrounding the ransom drops. All of these good traits are squandered on a script that's predictable at every turn (even by 1975 standards, I venture, as some of the "twists" were old for crime dramas by 1940 and others are telegraphed too far in advance) and a film that's overlong and padded with establishing shots that go on for ever and ever (in some cases with bewilderingly dramatic music playing).

It's really a shame, because there was a lot that could have been done with with the very interesting cast of characters here, all being portrayed by top-notch actors. In fact, the British police detectives (Attenborough's Sir Charles and Geeson's Det. Sgt. Jennifer Thatcher) are more interesting than Wayne's Brannigan character. If a little more had been done with Tatcher, Sir Charles--or even with Brannigan's WW2 history in London--this film would have been so much stronger.

In the final analysis, "Brannigan" emerges as a slightly below average police drama that even John Wayne's biggest fans can probably put off seeing.





(Trivia: John Wayne was offered the part of Dirty Harry before it went to Clint Eastwood.)