'The Order' isn't one you need to order

The Order (aka "Jihad Warrior") (2001)
Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sofia Milos, Sasson Gabai, Vernon Dobtcheff, Ben Cross Brian Thompson and Charlton Heston
Director: Sheldon Lettich
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

An internationally infamous art thief (Van Damme) must team up with an Israeli cop (Milos)--who is presumably infamous for always wearing her uniform buttoned down to the middle of her chest--to rescue his father from the clutches of a crazed religious leader (Thompson) who is bent on bringing about Armageddon.


While watching this film, be as excited as Van Damme and Milos look to be in the picture above. The film has a paper-thin plot with most of the characters being driven by weak motivations (or by nothing but plot dictates and Stupid Character Syndrom), and all the action and fight scenes being ineptly photographed, badly edited and perhaps even under-rehearsed.

The paper-thin plot and weak characters can be forgiven, I suppose, but the inept handling of the fight scenes cannot. With the exception a fight during the heist that opens the film, every fight has a cheap and amateurish feel to it, with too many cuts and close-ups of the action to really seeing what's going on and entirely too much use of slow-motion of Van Damme jumping or kicking. It screams either of an attempt to cover of badly rehearsed fights or of a director and cinematographer who didn't know how to film martial arts action. The many chase scenes are handled pretty well--with the exception of a motorcycle sequence that is filmed and edited so badly that it positively screams, "Look! Stunt Double driving instead of Van Damme!" This ineptitude carries through straight to the big final battle between Van Damme and the religious crazy, bringing the film to a close on a low note that is only made worse at a misfired attempt at a humorous denouement.

For all the films faults, the actors do as good a job as can be expected with the material they are working with. Van Damme is charming and funny while Sofia Milos wears that half-unbuttoned police uniform like few others have ever worn half-unbuttoned police uniforms before. Charlton Heston's extended cameo is badly written, but he does a good job with it and the same is true of supporting cast members Ben Cross and Brian Thompson. Their parts are horribly written, but they are appropriately sinister.

The backdrop of Jerusalem is also interesting, especially the way the film demonstrates during a foot chase how wildly different communities that are hostile to each other exist in very tight quarters, with Van Damme fleeing from secular police to the protection of Hasedic Jews and then finds himself being stared down by hostile Muslims, all over the space of just a few minutes.

That said, the film is a letdown in all areas that really matter when we are sitting down to watch a Jean Claude Van Damme film. It ranks among his weakest efforts to date.

'The Last Boy Scout' is decent Buddy Flick

The Last Boy Scout (1991)
Starring: Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans, Danielle Harris, Noble Willingham, Bruce McGill, and Halle Berry
Director: Tony Scott
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Privvate detective Joe Hallenbeck (Willis) and his partner Mike (McGill) are hired to protect a stripper named Cory (Berry). When Mike is murdered in a car-bombing, and Cory is gunned down in the street, Joe teams up with Corey's boyfriend, a former pro-football player named Dix (Wayans) to uncover the reasons behind the killings. What they discover is that there is deep-seated corruption that infests both local politics and professional sports... and that the deaths of Mike and Corey are only the beginning.


"The Last Boy Scout" is a decent action movie with a script that has better dialogue than most, a superb cast, and a nice selection of subplots that humanize our heroes without slowing down the movie. Fans of the principle stars--Willis and Wayans--will enjoy their performances in this movie. General action fans should find it to their liking as well.

Given the love Hollywood has for sequels, I'm a bit surprised that we didn't get "The Last Boy Scout 2". The end of the film seems to beg for one, and it would be a lot easier to pull off than the sequels to "Die Hard".

Sherlock Sunday: Cushing's Final Bow

The Masks of Death (aka "Sherlock Holmes and the Masks of Death") (1984)
Starring: Peter Cushing, John Mills, Anne Baxter, Anton Diffring and Ray Milland
Director: Roy Ward Baker
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

An elderly Holmes (Cushing) and Dr. Watson (Mills) come out of retirement in the years just before the start of WWI to investigate two baffling mysteries that turn out to be related. Old friends also return, and Holmes may even get to have a rematch with The Woman as he tries to solve the mysterious deaths of five unconnected men in London and the disappearance of a German prince from a country estate.


Peter Cushing once again gives an excellent performance as Sherlock Holmes in what I like to pretend is his final role. He was dying even while making this movie, but he did not appear so frail so as to it being obvious, as he did in the few other film appearances he had after this one.

Cushing's Holmes is often gruff and cranky, but he remains charming and likable. John Mills also gives a good performance as his loyal assistant Watson, who is treated far better by both the actor and the script writers than he is in most adaptations; it is very clear in this film that Watson is only a dunce when compared to Sherlock Holmes.

This made-for-TV movie is an excellent Holmes adventure that captures the feel of Conan Doyle's stories like few attempts to bring Holmes to the screen have. It's also a reunion/farewell performance of sorts for actors and crew that were regulars on Hammer and Amicus productions, as it features several actors who were were regulars in those films and is directed by Roy Ward Baker.

"The Masks of Death" is, sadly, not available on DVD and long out of print on VHS. I hope that the Robert Downey Jr Holmes movies will cause whoever owns the rights to this one to release it on DVD.

'The Ladykillers' will slay you

The Ladykillers (1955)
Starring: Alec Guinness, Katie Johnson, Herbert Lom, Danny Green, Peter Sellers, Cecil Parker, and Jack Warner
Director: Alexander Mackendrick
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

The criminal mastermind nicknamed "the Professor" (Guinness) concocts the perfect robbery and perfect get-away plan. He had every angle covered... except for the X-factor of Mrs. Wilberforce (Johnson), a sweet little old lady whom he had cast as an unknowing accomplice, but whose sense of right and wrong and force of will proves to be more than a match for the Professor and his gang of cutthroats.


"The Ladykillers" is a comedy that's very simple in concept--five robbers struggle to avoid discovery and capture when their unwitting dupe becomes wise to their true activities--but its execution is so deft and so clever, and its cast so skilled at their craft that the film ends up as one of the funniest and most unpredictable crime comedies ever filmed.

Some of the humor arises from the fact that a gang of hardbitten criminals get squemish when it comes to harming a little old lady and that she is able to shame them into cooperating with her. However, much more comes from a constant stream of multi-layered sight gags and repeated reversals of audience expectations.

It's no surprise that the Professor and his gang ultimately fail in their dastardly schemes, but even this expected finale ends up being presented with a couple unexpected twists.

With a brilliant script, some very nice photography that takes full advantage of the setting around and atop King's Cross Station, and top-notch performances from a cast of truly great actors--with the interplay Alec Guinnes and Katie Johnson, and Guiness and Herbert Lom being particularly effective and funny--"The Ladykillers" stands as one of the greatest British comedies ever put on film.

Double Feature: The Miss Congeniality Saga

During the early 2000s, Sandra Bullock starred two movies as Gracie Hart, an FBI agent who went undercover as a beauty queen. Like the "Speed" movies in the 1990s, Sandra Bullock starred in one excellent film and then signed up for a sequel that was nowhere near as good. In this post, I review both of the "Miss Congeniality" films.



Miss Congeniality (2000)
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, Michael Cain, Heather Burns, and William Shatner
Director: Donald Petrie
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When an unknown madman threatens a beauty pagent, life-long tomboy FBI Agent Gracie Hart (Bullock) must master all the feminine graces and go undercover as a pageant participant to unmask the killer.

"Miss Congeniality" is a funny fish-out-of-water comedy, with the standard theme of characters who have their preconceived notions of each other (and even themselves) challenged and emerge at the end of the story having learned valuable lessons and gained a deeper understanding of themselves and everyone around them.


In the case of Gracie, she learns to embrace a part of herself that she's denied since she was a girl, and she learns to respect the hopes and dreams of those who might not want the same things she does. It's actually a rather touching transformation that the character undergoes, and it's a testament to Bullock's acting ability that Gracie comes across like a three-dimensional character in a movie that is otherwise populated with outrageous stereotypes and excuses for slapstick comedy. (And speaking of slap-stick, Bullock also displays a great talent for physical comedy in this film.)

Although Bullock is definately the star of the film, she is ably assisted by her co-stars and supporting players, all of whom put in excellent comedic performances (with the exception of Benjamin Bratt, who is the films only straight man... but he fills that role admirable). Bergen and Shatner are particularly fun as a pair of aging pageant organizers, and Caine is fantastic as the beauty expert tapped by the FBI to infuse Gracie with some grace.

"Miss Congeniality" is definately a comedy that's worth seeing.



Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (2005)
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Regina King, Enrique Murciano, William Shatner, and Heather Burns
Director: John Pasquin
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

In "Miss Congeniality 2", Gracie Hart (Bullock), too famous for fieldwork after her adventure with the beauty pageant, and with slightly more refined manners, is tapped to be the FBI's "celebrity face". With her romantic life coming unglued for reasons she can't understand, she throws herself completely into the life of an empty-headed PR flack. But then two of the friends she made during the pageant caper (Shatner and Burns) are kidnapped, so she flies to Las Vegas in an unauthorized attempt to rescue them.


As much as I loved "Miss Congeniality", I find very little to recommend the sequel. The biggest problem is that everything that made Gracie Hart a likable and sympathetic character in the first film are absent for most of the sequel, because she spends most of the story playing at being someone she is not. It doesn't help matters that her new partner (King) is just plain obnoxious and completely devoid of any interesting character qualities.

With Bullock playing someone who is playing a lame character, we're left with the supporting cast for most of the laughs in the movie. Shatner and Burns (who spend most of the film tied up in a little shack) are very, very funny, and they're worth two of the tomatoes I gave the film. Likewise, Murchiano (best known for deadpan, ultra-serious performances on the crime drama "Without A Trace"), as a nebbish FBI Agent who learns to stand up for himself once Gracie rediscovers who she is, displays some fine comedic talent. However, everyone has limited material to work with, as the story is very flimsy.

I think all the performers do the best with what they have to work with, but it just isn't enough. The film has no heart, but just feels like a string of badly told, fairly tired jokes. Worse, Bullock and the Gracie Hart character are so badly wasted that this film almost makes one forget what was so charming and fun about the original "Miss Congeniality."

Lundgren looking toward the future?

The Russian Specialist (aka "The Mechanik") (2005)
Starring: Dolph Lundgren and Ben Cross
Director: Dolph Lundgren
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When a retired Russian Special Forces officer (Lundgren) finds himself presented with the opportunity to take revenge against the gangsters who murdered his family, he becomes an unstoppable one-man army that takes no prisoners.


Dolph Lundgren is often mentioned by film snobs in a mocking tone and the same breath as in the stalled-out, over-the-hill action star Steven Seagal. However, "The Russian Specialist" proves that Lundgren is in a class far above Seagal. But this is very unfair to Lundgren, "The Russian Specialist" proves that he has both more talent and sense than Seagal.

Seagal is still making the sort of movies he made when he first started out, despite being fat, old, and apparently crippled (since he doesn't seem to do any of his own fight scenes anymore). Lundgren, on the other hand, seems to be phasing himself out of the "action star" lead roles, acknowledging the passage of time, and moving behind the camera and to less physical parts. It would be a shame if someone with the level of talent that Lundgren shows for directing, acting, and writing embarrasses himself the way Seagal has in his recent movies by not moving on.

Under Lundgren's direction, we have Ben Cross giving one of the best performances I've ever seen him do, and virtually every other cast member gives a performance that's surprisingly natural and completely believable. The muted color-schemes of the film helps underscore the general tone, and the somewhat slow pace of its middle section proves to be the perfect mood-setter for the astonishingly well-staged, bullet-ridden violence extravaganza during the last twenty or so minutes of the flick.

Lovers of action films and those who simply appreciate a well-made movie will like this film almost equally. There might even be a snob or two who might sneer just a little bit less when Lundgren's name comes up.

'The Devil's Own' is a movie he can keep

The Devil's Own (1997)
Starring: Harrison Ford and Brad Pitt
Director: Alan J. Pakula
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

A New York cop of Irish background (Ford) becomes host to an IRA terrorist (Pitt) who is the United States to buy weapons.


"The Devil's Own" spends much of its time in an offensive romanticising of a filthy bunch of murderous terrorists. The ONLY thing this movie gets right about Northern Ireland, the IRA, and Americans of Irish heritage is that Americans of Irish heritage either were too stupid or intellectual lazy to see the IRA for what they rea,lly are. (My money's on intellectually lazy... because Americans of Arab background or the Muslim persuasion are as stupid about twisted freaks like Hamas as the Irish-Americans used to be about the IRA.)

While the film does have some nicely done action sequences, there is too much offensive pablum here for me to recommend even watching it for that. (And why couldn't Brad Pitt hold his accent for more than one or two lines? Did he really choose to badmouth the film before it came out because he knew that he sucked worse than the script he was performing?)