Magnificent Warriors kick Imperial Jap ass

It's exactly 65 years this month since the United States of America dropped two atom bombs on Japan to bring us victory in World War II's Pacific Theater. This review is one of several posts I'm making to mark that occasion.

Magnificent Warriors (aka "Dynamite Fighters") (1987)
Starring: Michele Yeoh, Tung-Shing Yee, and Richard Ng
Director: David Chung
Steve's Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

Michele Yeoh stars as a confident, self-reliant bush pilot who is cashing in on the resistence to the Japanese invaders in 1930s China. The plot really gets going when she is recruited to assist a spy deep within Japanese held land and ends up becoming embroiled in the resistance efforts whole-hog when her Chinese patriotism can't allow her to stand by and let a city of innocent people be gassed to death by the nefarious Japanese Imperial Army.


The film features excellent cinematography, fine performances by all actors, and well-choreographed martial arts sequences. There were some silly sound effects related to those fight scenes, but that's to be expected in an older film like this one.

The only dissapointment I felt was that I would have liked to see some of the plot and characterzation touches explained a bit more. (For example, was the drifter related to our heroine or not?)

This was one of Michele Yeoh's very first films--and she looks VERY young in it!--and the DVD version contains a really interesting interview with her about its making.

'Black Cobra 2' is worse than the original

Black Cobra 2 (1988)
Starring: Fred Williamson, Nicholas Hammond, and Emma Hoagland
Director: Stelvio Massi
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Police Lt. Robert Malone (Williamson) is sent to the Philippines to study Interpol techniques after blowing away one hostage-taking drug dealer too many. Always a trouble magnet, Malone and his new Interpol partner, Inspector Kevin McCoal (Hammond), soon find themselves up against a shadowy group of violent Middle Eastern terrorists who are pursuing the beautiful daughter of a small-time thief, Peggy Mallory (Hoagland), for unknown reasons. Before you can say "Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em!" there's gunfire, explosions, silly plottwists and 350 kids held hostage in a building that's rigged to explode... and only Malone and McCoal can save the day!


A fellow movie-lover whose taste is usually to be relied upon told me that each "Black Cobra" film is better than the one than the one before. Well, this is one instance where she was wrong.
"Black Cobra 2" is NOT better than the movie it's a sequel to. While star Fred Williamson is a little less wooden in his second outing as no-nonsense action cop Robert Malone (who gets referred to as "Bob" by the love interest in one of the many sour notes in this film... I'm sorry, but this character is NOT a "Bob." Not even his mother would call him "Bob"), and there is a single very unexpected plot development as the film enters its third act, just about everything else about this movie is so laughably bad that it makes the only other "odd-couple buddy cop" picture I can think of that's on this low level of quality, "The Glimmer Man", look like "Lethal Weapon". Plus, they got rid of the one thing that made Malone a neat character in the original "Black Cobra"--that little cat of his.


From the lamely done chase scene that opens the film to the climactic hostage rescue that closes it, the film's extremely low budget is painfully evident. Further, while the director and his cinematographers are clearly experienced hands at filming martial arts sequences, there's no hiding that catches up with the best of us (like, oh, Fred Williamson) and that more rehearsal time than I'm sure the budget would allow was needed to make the hand-to-hand fight scenes look natural.

And then there's the dialogue. I don't think I've EVER seen so much purple prose in a single movie. The love interest Peggy Mallory was being so over-the-top sappy every time she brought up her father that if I'd been Malone or McCoal, I would have arrested her for the murder of her father; no one talks the way she talks, unless they're being deeply sarcastic. (An extension of the dialogue problem is the voice actors that were used in the badly synched dubbing of the non-English--and even some of the English--speaking actors. Some of them are as bad as the lines they were reading, particularly the woman who was doing Inspector McCoal's young son. It was rather creepy to hear what was obviously an adult woman's voice coming from the mouth of a 7-year-old. Someone get that kid an exorcist!)

To perfect the overall horribleness of the film, there is the fact that there is NO chemistry between any of the actors appearing on screen. While none of the leads are particularly terrible, there's no real sense of connection between any of the characters and there's no reason for the audience to believe that any sort of feelings develop between any of them, other than perhaps mild annoyance. Each character is okay if taken as a 1980s action film stereotype, but when they are put together, they don't work, because the actors aren't connecting.

With a badly written script that overreaches the film's meager budget and a cast of stars that have no shared on-screen chemistry, "Black Cobra 2" has little to recommend it, except as a possible inclusion for a Bad Movie Night--but only after you've already tapped Steven Seagal's offerings. There are a couple of surprising moments in the film--which I can't talk about without spoiling the plot, but one earns the film an additional point on the scale all by itself--but they aren't enough to make this movie worth seeking out.

'A Shot in the Dark' is best Pink Panther film

A Shot in the Dark (1964)
Starring: Peter Sellars, Elke Sommer, George Sanders, Herbert Lom, and Burt Kwouk
Director: Blake Edwards
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When a murder takes place at the home of the rich and powerful Mr. Ballon (Sanders), the worst police detective in France, Inspector Clouseau (Sellars), is accidentally assigned to the case. He immediately ignores the most obvious suspect--the beautiful, curvecious blonde maid Marie (Sommer), who was found with the murder weapon in her hand--and continues to let his hormones guide him instead of the clues even as more bodies pile up around her.


"A Shot in the Dark" is the second movie in the "Pink Panther" series, but the first film where the formula, supporting cast, and wild slapstick antics of Sellers' Clouseau character that will become the hallmark of the series are fully present. Although often overlooked by fans of the "Pink Panther" series due to the unusual title, " it is also the very best of the entries.

Sellers is amazingly hilarious as Clouseau, and the routines he performs here are among the funniest of the entire series--only the battles between Clouseau and his overzealous man-servant and martial arts sparring partner Kato will leave viewers in stitches. The film is made all the more amusing by the fact that it not only serves as an outlet for Sellers' antics, but that is also works as a spoof of the traditional murder mystery, complete with a screwball "drawing room revelation" scene).

Typically when reviewing this film, one cites the billiards scene or the nudist colony scene (both of which are top-notch examples of Sellers' comic genius), but my favorite part of the entire movie remains the opening sequence, where we view the outside of a large house, and through the windows see a host of characters sneaking from room to room (and from bed to bed), turning the lights on and off... until we hear gunfire and the screen goes black.

This opening is both funny and engaging, and it is one of the best title sequences of any movie I've seen. The Henry Mancini-penned song "Shadows of Paris" underscores its the mood perfectly, particularly in the light of what follows.

This is a film that lovers of well-made comedies and spoofs should get lots of kicks out of.

'The Hollywood Sign' needed to be repaired

The Hollywood Sign (2001)
Starring: Tom Berenger, Burt Reynolds, Rod Steiger, and Jacqueline Kim
Director: Sonke Wortmann
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Three down-and-out former Hollywood leading men (Berenger, Reynolds, and Steiger) stumble into the middle of a Las Vegas casino robbery that's in the planning stages. They decide that if they can't make a comeback in movies, they'll retire on ill-gotten loot, and they force their way into the robbery scheme. Can three well-cured hams outwit hardened criminals and live to tell the tale?


"The Hollywood Sign" features top-notch talent all giving fine performances--with Reynolds in particular putting on a good show--but there are some severe problems with the script that makes this movie go south in the final act. I can't really say what those problems are without spoiling a shocking moment in the film. I'm also not certain if others will have the same reaction to the twist-ending to this film that I has; I rolled my eyes and had to struggle to not reach for the DVD remote, as it coincidentally was the second film I've watched this month that featured such a twist. Admittedly, "The Hollywood Sign" was superior in every conceivable way to that other film--which was so wretched I probably won't even bother posting about it--but I still think the ending was lame. (I can see how the writers might think it was clever, though. It solves a story problem that was brought up at the very beginning of the film and that was echoed a couple times during it.)

This film is worth seeing if you enjoy Reynolds or Steiger as actors, or if you love movies featuring Hollywood insider plot elements. Otherwise, this is a film to pass on.

Dirty Harry investigates murders of crooks

Magnum Force (1974)
Starring: Clint Eastwood, Hal Holbrook, and David Soul
Director: Ted Post
Rating: Six of Ten

When San Francisco's biggest crime figures fall victim to a series of execution-style hits, homicide detective Harry Callahan (Eastwood) first believes that someone must be impersonating police officers to get as close to the victims as they are, but his boss, Lt. Briggs (Holbrook) is convinced that the murders the result of a typical gangster power-struggle. As Callahan investigates, he uncovers a frightening possiblity--that maybe the "fake cop" is a real cop, and that a secret death squad exists within the SFPD.


"Magnum Force" is a somewhat dissapointing follow-up to "Dirty Harry",and it's possibly the weakest of the series. The movie seems to drag on and on, in part due to some exceptionally dull cinematagraphy, and a lack of story focus until the third act, and a near-total lack of humor throughout. (The exception being an encounter totally unrelated to the rest of the movie, except to establish Harry's renegade ways, when Harry prevents a plane from bing hijacked,)

The film is still superior to most cop dramas out there--mostly thanks to its great cast--but it's a weak link in the "Dirty Harry" cycle.

'Black Cobra' is unoriginal, save for the cat

Black Cobra (1987)
Starring: Fred Williamson, Eva Grimaldi, Karl Landgren, Vassili Karis, and Maurice Poli
Director: Stelvio Massi
Rating: Five of Ten Stars
Tough-as-nails police detective Robert Malone (Williamson) must protect a beautiful fashion photographer from a gang of psychopaths after she takes a picture of their leader (Landgren) during one of their many murder sprees. But can even Malone succeed against a gang willing to kidnap a police chief's daughter to get get what they want?

"Black Cobra" is, for most of its running-time, a perfectly average low-budget action film mostly ripped off--oh, sorry... inspired--by the early "Dirty Harry" pictures. In fact, the Dirty Harry connection is so strong that the movie looks and feels like it dates from the 1970s (despite the fact it was made in the late 1980s) and Williamson delivers a speech that's a near verbitum copy of the famous "do you feel lucky?" speech from "Dirty Harry". So, if you're not too picky, this film will entertain with its not-terribly-original plot, setting, and characters. (Although, I think Robert Malone is probably the only movie tough guy who is cowed by his pet cat, a touch that I found to be one of the nicest elements of the film and probably the only bit of originality in it.)

On the other hand, the film really goes south in its last 15 or so minutes, so you're well-advised to stop the film after it copies the demise of Scorpio scene from "Dirty Harry", because you see a nonsensical return of a dead villian, one of the worst and completely illogical car chases ever put on film (how DID they get from an upscale restraunt into an abandoned string of warehouses?), and more proof than you'd ever want to see in a wide-release film that the filmmakers really had no idea how to bring things to a satisfactory close.


With so-so acting (Williamson was better even in "Fist of Fear, Touch of Death" than he is here), a script with everything except a tiny kitty-cat begged, borrowed and stolen from other films, and a pathetically executed ending, "Black Cobra" isn't a movie to go out of your way for; it barely rises to the Five Rating I'm giving it. But it's got enough well-handled cliches to be fun, and it would definately be a fine addition to any Bad Movie Night line-up.

'Thunderbolt' is a darker effort for Chan

Thunderbolt (1996)
Starring: Jackie Chan, Anita Yuen, and Thorsten Nickel
Director: Gordon Chan
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When mechanic and race-car dirver Foh (Chan) crosses a street-racer who also happens to be an enforcer for a major international crime syndicate (Nickel), his world is torn apart, and he finds himself forced to race for the life of his young sister.


"Thunderbolt" is another fine action flick from Jackie Chan, with lots of action, drama, and fabulously staged fight scenes. The film is darker and more intense than most of his movies--the violence is more realistic and obviously deadly, and the villains are unredeemingly and savagely evil.

In fact, the grimmer tone of the film causes an otherwise fairly typical Jackie Chan bizarro fight location--on banners/trampolines extended over a Pachinko arcade in a Japanese city--to seem out of place and distracting. It's almost as if they forgot this film is markedly different from the likes of "Miracles" and "Police Story". Despite the one major misstep, I think there can be little argument that "Thunderbolt" ranks among Chan's best films. Fans may be a little shocked by the film's intensity, however. (The crane scene in the wrecking yard and its outcome was certainly not one I'd expected in a Jackie Chan movie!)

"Thunderbolt" is currently out of print, but it can be had used, or can be downloaded directly to your PC or Tivo through Amazon.com.